Delighting in weakness

Today the Beth Moore bible study brought me to 2 Corinthians 9-10. Paul has just acknowledged the thorn in his side--which he's asked God to remove.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Delighting in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in difficulties! What difficulties am I facing, what difficulties can I delight in? Not being in control of Lee's next career move and how it will impact me and the girls. I delight in the idea that I must pray, PRAY, to you Lord. I will take the news as it comes, stay in the moment, concentrate on loving you and others in your name.

I need to decide whether or not to write a letter for Isabel to get Mrs. Lupiani again, this time for third grade. This is minor, and yet important, too. What's most important is for me to realize my weakness in this situation. I can't predict which teacher would be best for Isabel, and I can only make a decision based on what I know now--which is that Isabel loves and respects Mrs. Lupiani.

I would like to start up a devotion with the girls again. Why did I let it fall to the wayside? Because I felt I wasn't doing justice to the material, that I hadn't prepared well enough. I will delight in my weakness! I will forge ahead anyway, let you teach them through my limited abilities. I will show up and try my best, knowing that you can work through my weakness.

Tonight we'll have dinner with Mom and Dad and Jay and Ann. I pray for a spirit of warmth, and for Lee to feel comfortable to talk about his work situation, and for the exchange of advice. I pray that I will show love and patience.

We would like for Isabel to take piano lessons. Lily, too. But we don't have the money for a piano (let alone the lessons) right now. I pray in my weakness, Lord, that you will make this happen, if it's your will. And if it's not, that's OK too!

I pray for Mom and Dad, that you would protect them and guard their health. I pray for Isabel and Lily, that you would go before them and stand behind them wherever they go. I pray for Lee, for strength and confidence as he seeks another job.

I thank you! Show me what you have for me next...

In Your son's name I pray,

Amen

Surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus

My Beth Moore bible study brought me to this passage today:

But whatever was to my profit I now consider great loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.


For several months now, there have been changes afoot at Lee's office. Lee's only heard whispers of them; I've been more or less completely in the dark. As of next week, most everyone around him will be moving on, to other companies. Lee hears that he'll be offered a choice: relocate to New York or accept a severance package. He has an interview with another company on Monday.

As I face a time of uncertainty--Lee is not just my husband and best friend but also my money train, after all--I consider the possibility of loss, and of pressure to contribute. I have been riding along on cruise control, not forced to act and so...not acting.

Lord, you seem so far away, and I struggle even to believe you exist at all. But I want to not get hung up on that. I want to put my doubts aside and just step out in faith. I want to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Am I willing to lose all things (our house? my free time? spending money for the kids' activities?) that I may gain Christ and be found in him? And WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE--GAINING CHRIST?

Lord, I want to pray for Lee, but I don't know how. So I just ask you, to please be present and guide him. He is stressed, as usual. You offer peace. Is there a plan already in place? "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Does this apply to us, here, now?

Writing you these emails isn't supposed to be a one-way conversation, but of course you don't write back. You have given us your Word, though. I'll look at it again.

Whatever was to my profit I now consider great loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ.  Not having a righteousness of my own--but that which is through faith in Christ. If you do have a plan for me, and you urge me to have faith in you, then I need to look for what you already have for me to do. Not having a righteousness of my own, but through faith.

Please show me what you would have me do next.

In Your Son's name I pray.
Amen