Answered prayer?

Back to Isaiah after taking a string of days off due to sickness (bad cold) and stress. Chapter 43. The Lord reminds people how he parted the Red Sea to save them. But "forget the former things....See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" At this spot in history, God is going to rescue people from the Babylonians--a new thing that would make those past wonders seem like nothing.

Then there's this: "I provide water in the desert to give drink to my people, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise. Yet you have not called upon me...You have not sacrificed anything for me...But you have burdened me with your sins...I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

Again, He's saying, "I'm here! Invisible and silent, but look around you at all the blessings I've provided. I'm here! And you don't acknowledge me. You just burden me with your sins, which I've taken on myself, for your sake."

To read this argument, from God himself, is to realize how ridiculously ungrateful I am, and how foolish for not leaning into this loving Father. But that's the problem: I'm reading it. I'm not hearing it, or watching the words come from His lips. I have to will myself to believe it. I have to push past the thought that there are lots of books I could read, not just this one. I have to make a choice to believe this one.

Every morning as I read Isaiah, you say it again: "I'm here! Acknowledge me. I formed you to be my child. Acknowledge me." I'm sorry, Lord, that I'm so weak in my faith, and so easily distracted.


This weekend, we got a dog. The process was exciting and scary--my heart raced, I didn't sleep. Found him on Petfinder, deliberated with Lee about whether to drive an hour to meet him. When we did meet him, I was still unsure. I'd thought he was non-shedding. Now it seemed that might not be true. I'd thought he was house-trained. Now the rescue worker admitted he wasn't. I'd thought he was a cocker spaniel/poodle mix. Now I discovered that the rescue worker had simply guessed at his breed; she had no idea, really.

He was listless, sluggish, didn't want to play. But also so gentle, so friendly (his tail wagged every time we came close), and the perfect size and color. And quiet. And Lee wanted him. That Isabel wanted him goes without saying.

So we adopted him, laying down $250 and then untold more for crate, food, supplies and grooming. Very stressful.

But two days later, I already love him. He is beyond adorable, doesn't seem to shed, is half-way housetrained already. And most of all, sweet. He is sick--we think with kennel cough, so it's hard to judge his personality yet. But oh, how I love him already.

Was he answered prayer? I prayed for You to lead us to the right dog for our family. But Lord, I don't know anymore what's answered prayer and what isn't. This story isn't over yet--still have to bring him to the vet. But for the time being, I'm going to choose to believe that Hunter is, indeed, answered prayer. So, thank you, Lord. I love him.


I pray for Sara, that she'll have a experience with You in your perfect time. I pray that You will fill me with ideas about how to glorify You, and that You would show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

God says, "I exist."

In today's BSF passage, Israel had been taken captive by Babylon. God tells his people that this happened because they'd been deaf and blind to His laws, and they were now being punished. Then he says, in effect, that he'll save them.

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you...Do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Isaiah 43:4)

They failed to trust their silent and invisible God. Things went terribly wrong. Now God is saying, again, "I am here." And also, "I will save you."

Lord, I want to believe that You are here, reading this prayer blog. Knowing what I'm going to write before I write it. You are in charge. I can relax and let You handle things.


I prayed for months for an answer to Lily's schooling, and I got one. She'll go to Sprayberry Academy, a full day Georgia Pre-K, recommended by Isabel's kindergarten teacher. I feel at peace with this decision, and grateful that I got her in the time slot I want (and just in the nick of time). Thank you for this answered prayer. 


Elsewhere in the Bible, Paul explains that Gentiles are God's children, too--and that God's promises in the Old Testament extend to us.

Lord, You answered my prayer for Lily's schooling. I want to believe that this verse above applies to me. That I am precious and honored in Your sight. That You love me. I'm choosing to believe this.


I'm writing the VBS skit now. It's Your church, and Your VBS. Please write the skit through me. Please, Lord, inspire me to write what You have in mind. A tiny thing. Inconsequential. But when the blank page is before me, it doesn't feel inconsequential. 


I pray for Sara. I pray for my professional life. I pray for Lee, and as always, protection over my precious girls.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Answered Prayer

Lord, I've been asking You about Lily's schooling, imploring you to figure this out for me. This week there's movement on this. Mrs. Crandall suggested Sprayberry Academy, and there were spots left. I signed Lily up. There's also another option--a Montessori school right around the bend. This isn't settled yet, but I am feeling much more secure. Either way, the Sprayberry Academy or the Montessori school, will be the best possible options.


You are in this. When things came together yesterday with Sprayberry, it felt smooth and easy. Just what I asked for. Thank You, Lord. You know I am an exacting person, that I won't quit until all options have been examined. I won't be 100% settled until I've checked out the Montessori school. But You are still with me. If that second option is the one You have for her, please show me that, too.


It's so hard for me to ask You for things, and then to wait on Your answer. Immediately I start thinking I should be doing things for You, and that I'm selfish, etc. But I also know that in some way I need to ask and wait for an answer, because I'm still learning to believe that You are still there. You are gentle with the weak. "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out." (Isaiah 42:3) 


I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus in Your perfect time. And I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Distraction

Here's the Scripture note about the passage I read this morning (Isaiah 41:21-26): God challenges the idol-worshipping heathen to prove the power of their idols by means of a test of prophecy accurately fulfilled, which of course, they cannot do. But God predicts the coming of Cyrus 150 years later.


So again, God is making a case for Himself, and His existence. I want to believe, but I am so distracted. I want to "walk with God," as they say, but I have so many other things to focus on.

I need to find a new doctor and make an appointment and talk to her about meds and about my muscle tension and knots in my neck and shoulders. I need to settle the issue with Lily's schooling. I need to figure out summer activities for the girls, and swim lessons before summer starts. I've taken on two gallery assignments for iVillage, in addition to my usual posts. I have to return my bathing suit to SwimOutlet! And the list goes on.

How does prophecy fulfilled over 2000 years ago relate to my middling life? How is it relevant? Each day I wake up and read Isaiah, and God is making a case for His existence, His involvement. Don't believe in idols! Believe in me! I'm right here--invisible but here!


Lord, I want to live out my days with purpose and to feel Your leading. I don't right now, and I'm drifting. As I write this, I'm distracted by Lily's Cat in the Hat TV show. And thoughts of what I need to do today. 


I pray for Sara to have an experience with Jesus in Your perfect time. I pray for an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. I pray that You'll renew me, refresh me spiritually.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Guessing game

In today's BSF passage, Isaiah 41:11-20, the Lord talks about satisfying his people's thirst in an obvious way "so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this."

This is what I long for. I want to see the hand of the Lord in my life. I want faith to be not a guessing game, but a conversation. (I talk, and then wait faithfully for God to answer. Then I act on what God says. And so on.) This is my struggle, because right now it does feel like a guessing game. Is God there and if so, what is He saying to me?

In this passage, God is telling his people that he will act in ways so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this. Lord, are you speaking to me in this passage? I feel like this is more guessing. I'll put that thought aside and consider how this verse relates to me. You are saying that You are present and involved, that You act in ways to demonstrate Your presence, power and love. Maybe I don't recognize You, because I'm not looking? Or maybe You have been silent these past weeks, and I'm meant to faithfully wait upon You,  so that when You do act, some time in the future,  I'll be able to see and know, consider and understand, that it's Your hand that's working.


Today I meet with the kindergarten teacher to discuss Lily. Please smooth the path for me, make the decision clear and put my mind at ease. 


I'm feeling restless, unsure of what to do next. I want to form a plan, to move forward in a work that inspires me and pleases You. I don't know what that is yet. Lord, will You show me? I'm just spinning my wheels. Thank you, thank you for Lee, and for his job, and for my family. Even if I never discover my professional purpose, I have so much to be thankful for. I want to stand up and contribute. Please show me how.


I pray for Your protection over my children. I pray for Sara to have an experience with Jesus in Your time. I pray for You to show me an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Sinus infection

Today's BSF passage was Isaiah 41:5-10. Cyrus and his armies are on a rampage, toppling nations and destroying everything in their path. The fearful people encourage one another to be strong, and help one another to prepare for his violent arrival. But God reminds the Israelites of his past protection of them.  "So do not fear, for I am with you," He says. "Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I recognized these words as part of a song, or maybe a scripture memory verse from my past. This is the first time I'm hearing it within its proper context. And this context seems removed from me, something that happened long ago and far away. I am not under siege. Not literally.

So where am I, and how are these words speaking to me? In Scripture reading, the passages I read at any given time are meant for me at that time. The living Bible speaks to me where I am, with the passage I need to hear right then.

Am I under siege? I could certainly use God's comfort, and His reassurance that He's there. I returned from the cruise and almost immediately came down with a sinus infection, a persistent ache behind my eyes and lots of icky mucus in my nasal passages. Yesterday I waited until 4 p.m. to hear back from my iVillage editor. (The usual question: Which inane post idea I should move ahead with?) I feel unfulfilled by this work, and guilty for not being more grateful for it. I am grateful for it when I think about not having it.

While I waited, I looked into finding a family dog, and spent literally hours--pointless hours--trying to locate a rescue dog that's a poodle mix fitting our needs. (Lots of needs--non-shedding, well-behaved, not to big or small, not smelly, quiet, the list goes on.) On Sunday I'd found the perfect dog and spent a half hour writing the adoption application--only to see, on Monday morning, that its status had changed from "Adoptable" to "Pending Adoption" (by somebody else, of course). Another waste of time. So I responded to that waste of time by wasting more time, looking again while I waited for my iVillage editor.

Because I felt under the weather, I did very little to celebrate Valentine's Day, and urged Lee to downplay it, too. I went to bed early, leaving Lee alone on the couch in front of the TV.

Then, today, I read the passage that God has for me. He reminds the Israelites of his past protection of them.  "So do not fear, for I am with you," He says. "Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."


What does this mean for me? God's going to save me from all these inconsequential, niggling irritants? Maybe it's that I can rely on Him to help me see beyond my ridiculously entitled self?

Lord, Lily is awake. I can hear her sweet voice talking Lee's ear off upstairs. Now I don't have time to sit and meditate on Your word. I pray that You will strengthen me spiritually today, and that this silly sinus infection will fade away.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Back from the cruise

Today, through the BSF lesson, God drew my attention to Cyrus the Great of Persia, who conquered Babylon in 539 and ruled it until his death. Cyrus didn't acknowledge God, but God used him to carry out His plans. Why? "So that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting, men may know there is none besides me." (Isaiah 45:6) How did Cyrus' conquests prove that there is none besides God? I don't know, but I think it's the fact that Cyrus' conquests were a fulfillment of God's prophecy--which confirms the truth and reliability of the Bible. God said it would happen, and it did.

I just got back from my cruise with Sara. I'd been praying daily for her to have an experience with Jesus by February 5. As far as I can tell, it didn't happen. Lord, I wanted a sign that You are really there, hearing my prayers. I felt led to pray this prayer, to put a deadline on it. Did I ever really believe it would happen? In some fleeting moments, I did. But not really. I can't say I'm truly disappointed, because my rational brain never really believed it anyway.


So where does that leave us? Last night I was thinking, "Does this mean my prayer about getting an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011 is also just a figment of my imagination? That You weren't leading me to pray for that, either, and that all of my thoughts are just that--my own, trumped up thoughts?


Yesterday we sang the praise song, "Indescribable," and in the song, You are described as untameable. I can pray all I want, put deadlines on prayers, but You will carry on as You see fit. A few lines down in the Isaiah passage, it says, "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker...Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?'" And later in Isaiah 45: "This is what the Lord says, concerning things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens."


Sara is Your child. Do I question You about her, about Your plan for her? I ache for her, Father. I want her to meet a husband, to have a family. On the cruise, I looked back one morning and saw her sitting alone at the breakfast table, and my longing (on her behalf) nearly overwhelmed me. But do I question You, who stretched out the heavens, about her, Your child? 


I am Your child. I pray, but You remain invisible and unmoving--seemingly a figment of my imagination. I still want You to show me You are there. I still want to wait for You to show me. Where else can I turn? 


I am selfish. Even as I wait for You, I think only about my own happiness. Did I really want Sara to have an experience with You, or did I want You to prove that my faith in You wasn't misplaced? This was about me as much as it was about her. 


So here we are. I can lose faith, or I can keep grasping at it. If You are truly there, it doesn't matter much what I think, anyway. As Andy Stanley says, there's a path, whether or not you realize you're on it. 


I pray for Your will to be done in Sara's life. As I pray that prayer,  I'm assuming that Your will includes her salvation. You are untameable, but I can hold You to Your promises. Is there a place in the Bible where You promise to save my sister? Based on Your character, described repeatedly throughout Scripture, You are chasing after her, jealous for her heart. You created her, and You long for her.


I pray for an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011. What would You have me write? How should I go about it? Make me be still, and then please tell me. Purify my motives, and then please show me what You want me to do.


Thank you for protecting my precious family. 


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Majesty

I have finally arrived at the grand, poetic section of Isaiah, where God reveals who He is.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told to you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. (Isaiah 40: 21-22)

Later God himself speaks. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. (Isaiah 40:25-26)

This is who I'm meeting, early in the morning with my coffee and my computer. This is who I push off to check my email messages or update my online budget. I can't experience God with any of my five senses, so my only way of knowing He's there (and the ultimate Center of the Universe) is through reading verses like those above.

He knows this. In the very next verse He addresses it.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, 'My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by God'? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. (40:27-28)

Next He describes how--even though we can't see Him--He is involved in the lives of His children (me included), here on earth:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Lord, as You know, last night I came down with a cold. And only three days to go until my big trip with Sara. I pray that You will give me the strength to care for those around me here, and get everything done, before it's time to go. I need to prepare the guest room for Dottie, who's visiting tonight. I need to go on a date night with Lee. I need to ease his week alone with the kids by thinking ahead and giving him everything he needs. 


I pray for Aunt Terri, who's going through a hard time right now. I pray for Your blessings on her, and for Your wisdom to settle on her. 


I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus in the next three days. 


I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Close to his heart

"See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him...He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40:10-11)

The all-powerful Creator of the universe gathers me in his arms and carries me close to his heart. He gently leads me with my young children.

What does it mean that the Lord is my shepherd? You are watching over me, carrying me and leading me. As I decide what to do about Lily's schooling, You are leading me--teaching me how to care for those I love. Yesterday Laurie called it "advocating" for your daughter. I am tightly-wound and worried about everything. But today I read this Scripture, and You say, "I gently lead those that have young." You are leading me, and You are in charge of everything. The Sovereign Lord comes with power. So why should I worry?


Sara needs comfort and hope. When I try to offer it, my tongue gets tied. But I can hold her close to my heart. 


I pray for Lee, for the situation with the worship band. You, the Sovereign Lord, come with power, and You lead gently. I pray that You will do that for Lee. Please bring him the help he needs to make the worship band what You would have it be. 


I feel calmer. The shortness of breath has subsided some. I pray that You would watch over me and my family.


I pray that Sara would have an experience with Jesus by Saturday. I pray that You would show me an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen