12/18 prayers

Psalm 121 is so lovely.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Yesterday I prayed that God's light would shine through me, and I pray it again. I can rest in the knowledge that He is watching over me.

I pray now for Lee, who is so ravaged by stress and the demands of his boss. I pray that he will remember you, Lord. That he will feel your supernatural peace, and your help.

I pray for God to hear the requests on my ASK list, and that each woman would feel his presence and understanding. Me too.

Lord, what next? What's my next step? What is the way forward?

I pray for Laura to find peace despite the cancer growing within her, and I pray for total healing.

In your son's name I pray,

Amen

prayers for December 16, 2013

I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. I will ask first, What does God want me to do/say? I wonder what He has in mind for my next step. I put the question out there, and then I keep my mind open and look for the answer. 

How does God want me to handle time with Sara? In God's eyes the best way to interact with my family is selflessly. Consider my selfish desires unimportant compared to my role as God's instrument in their lives. Same goes for what I do next, professionally. What does God want me to do? How can I serve Him?

God gives me gifts all the time. Just now after the girls were being hateful on the ride to school, Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas" came on. And I sang and felt joy and showed them my joy, and it was contagious. I turned and saw Isabel smiling and singing along. Life is about this, a celebration! Small moments of celebration. We hop from these, from one to the next and remember that another one is always around the corner.

I see myself as Lee's help mate, given to him by God and cheered on by God, guided to fill in the gaps where needed. Lee has room to grow, as do I, and I trust God to show me how to play my part in it. I see the coming days and weeks with family as an opportunity to serve God and be a beacon of light, like Emily Gilbert or Leigh Sain or Ellen Foster.

I am fully capable of doing the right thing, of banishing unhelpful thoughts, or encouraging the people around me. I pray with assurance that God is listening when I seek healing for Laura in my BSF group. 

I pray that God's light will shine through me and that I would be a light to those around me. I pray that I would experience his supernatural peace in the days and weeks to come.

God coincidence

I signed up for BSF this year without really knowing how I was going to pull it off, because I have a daily deadline of 12:30 pm (for iVillage). These first weeks, I've been rushing out of there ASAP and hurrying home to get my work done. Also: one day I hung back in the classroom after everyone else went to lecture, and basically hid in there doing my iVillage work, until I was allowed to sign out the lesson for the following week.

My plan was to make it work, through hiding out to get work done, or signing out lessons ahead of time, or rushing home early. 

Yesterday, out of the blue, my editor changed my work schedule between now and Christmas. It doubles up my Monday work, and more or less CLEARS my Tuesday mornings.

I realized that I haven't seen a God coincidence like this in a long time. When they have happened, it's often been related to BSF. I thought back on all the ways the BSF has shaped major directions in my life. I met Lee through friends I met at BSF. I found our church in NJ through someone at BSF. I found Laurie, my Christian (and only) connection in Georgia, through BSF, and through Laurie I found my mentoring group with Martha and though it, my current church.

But back to this latest God coincidence. In my BSF class, we talked about Rahab, the prostitute who helped Joshua's men in Jericho. Rahab was a woman who acted. She got things done, and not always in the "Christian" way. She heard that Joshua's God had parted the Red Sea to deliver his people, and that those very people were not bent on conquering Jericho. She had a decision to make: Who's side would she take? Would she put her faith in the strong-walled Jericho, or would she put her faith in the God who she'd heard had parted the Red Sea? 

She took a calculated risk, and chose the latter. Then she lied to and deceived her own authorities in order to protect Joshua. And God blessed her.

I'm like her. I didn't pray that God would ease the way for me to do BSF. I schemed and made it work. I wanted to be in BSF, even though I'd forgotten what it's like to experience God coincidences. All I remembered was that BSF is good. And then God cleared the way.

I'm an imperfect Christian, and I ought to strive to be better. But I can rest in the fact that I am, in fact, a child of God no matter what. And he's here and willing to interact with me.

In the notes this week, BSF asks the question: Will you thank God in advance for how he will care for you through your present difficulties?

My present difficulties are that I'm frustrated with Lee's reckless spending (we're still carrying $6000 in credit card debt and yet he bought himself nearly $1600 worth of electronics for his birthday). And I'm frustrated that when I went to Bible study on Monday night, I was the only one who shared honestly, and the big crowd just sort of blinked at me. TMI, apparently. Embarrassing. 

However: God is here and involved. Thank you, Lord, for how you will care for me through these circumstances. Change my heart for Lee. No more resentment, just love and support. I pray that someone would come into Lee's life to say the things I want to say. I pray that you would change me, give me peace and gratitude for him and for my life and all your blessings.

In light of you, what are money problems? Nothing.

In your son's name I pray.

Amen

The day ahead

The day ahead...

One post 

Meeting with Mrs. Hughes

Self magazine essay

Ellison play date

Dinner

Lee

Colossians 3:22-4:1

The Message (MSG)

^22-25 Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.

4 And masters, treat your servants considerately. Be fair with them. Don’t forget for a minute that you, too, serve a Master—God in heaven.

Hesitancy about Self magazine article...God's word: Work from the heart for your real Master, for God. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ.

The day ahead

The day ahead...

Two posts
Research what's next
Grace, Isabel, Lily
Lee

God's word...

Colossians 3:18-19

The Message (MSG)

¹⁸ Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor God.

The Day Ahead

My day ahead...

One post
Pick up Trixie at groomer
Isabel play date/homework/piano practice
Dinner?
Swim parent meeting
Lee

Ephesians 5: 11-16

^11-16 Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. Wake up from your sleep, Climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light!

Yesterday I wrote a blog post on Lindsay Lohan's cocaine use. Useless work, mere busywork. On Tuesday I learned that my editor's budget has been cut. Now she'll be assigning me two posts on Weds and Fridays instead of three. I was slightly upset. Money, money, money. But in light of this passage, it seems to be for the best. I need to begin to use my skills on something beyond busy work.

Lord, show me what that is!!!!

My day ahead

My day ahead...

Two posts
Bagel store, grocery store
Take Isabel to first day of swim
Library
Bring home Isabel and Hannah F
Prepare dinner
Lee

God's word...

Colossians 3:1-2

The Message (MSG)

He Is Your Life

Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

How can I apply this to...

Two posts

Bagel store, grocery store

Take Isabel to first day of swim

Library

Bring home Isabel and Hannah F

Prepare dinner

Lee

Delighting in weakness

Today the Beth Moore bible study brought me to 2 Corinthians 9-10. Paul has just acknowledged the thorn in his side--which he's asked God to remove.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Delighting in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in difficulties! What difficulties am I facing, what difficulties can I delight in? Not being in control of Lee's next career move and how it will impact me and the girls. I delight in the idea that I must pray, PRAY, to you Lord. I will take the news as it comes, stay in the moment, concentrate on loving you and others in your name.

I need to decide whether or not to write a letter for Isabel to get Mrs. Lupiani again, this time for third grade. This is minor, and yet important, too. What's most important is for me to realize my weakness in this situation. I can't predict which teacher would be best for Isabel, and I can only make a decision based on what I know now--which is that Isabel loves and respects Mrs. Lupiani.

I would like to start up a devotion with the girls again. Why did I let it fall to the wayside? Because I felt I wasn't doing justice to the material, that I hadn't prepared well enough. I will delight in my weakness! I will forge ahead anyway, let you teach them through my limited abilities. I will show up and try my best, knowing that you can work through my weakness.

Tonight we'll have dinner with Mom and Dad and Jay and Ann. I pray for a spirit of warmth, and for Lee to feel comfortable to talk about his work situation, and for the exchange of advice. I pray that I will show love and patience.

We would like for Isabel to take piano lessons. Lily, too. But we don't have the money for a piano (let alone the lessons) right now. I pray in my weakness, Lord, that you will make this happen, if it's your will. And if it's not, that's OK too!

I pray for Mom and Dad, that you would protect them and guard their health. I pray for Isabel and Lily, that you would go before them and stand behind them wherever they go. I pray for Lee, for strength and confidence as he seeks another job.

I thank you! Show me what you have for me next...

In Your son's name I pray,

Amen

Surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus

My Beth Moore bible study brought me to this passage today:

But whatever was to my profit I now consider great loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.


For several months now, there have been changes afoot at Lee's office. Lee's only heard whispers of them; I've been more or less completely in the dark. As of next week, most everyone around him will be moving on, to other companies. Lee hears that he'll be offered a choice: relocate to New York or accept a severance package. He has an interview with another company on Monday.

As I face a time of uncertainty--Lee is not just my husband and best friend but also my money train, after all--I consider the possibility of loss, and of pressure to contribute. I have been riding along on cruise control, not forced to act and so...not acting.

Lord, you seem so far away, and I struggle even to believe you exist at all. But I want to not get hung up on that. I want to put my doubts aside and just step out in faith. I want to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Am I willing to lose all things (our house? my free time? spending money for the kids' activities?) that I may gain Christ and be found in him? And WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE--GAINING CHRIST?

Lord, I want to pray for Lee, but I don't know how. So I just ask you, to please be present and guide him. He is stressed, as usual. You offer peace. Is there a plan already in place? "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Does this apply to us, here, now?

Writing you these emails isn't supposed to be a one-way conversation, but of course you don't write back. You have given us your Word, though. I'll look at it again.

Whatever was to my profit I now consider great loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ.  Not having a righteousness of my own--but that which is through faith in Christ. If you do have a plan for me, and you urge me to have faith in you, then I need to look for what you already have for me to do. Not having a righteousness of my own, but through faith.

Please show me what you would have me do next.

In Your Son's name I pray.
Amen

Prayer for 2/13/13

Lord,
I'm tired of exalting my problems over you. You alone are my rock and my salvation. My soul finds rest in God alone.

Lee is depressed and anxious, overeating, over drinking, prone to sickness, and he's recalcitrant about Mom and Dad. But you are the King of Glory, the Lord Almighty, the maker of Heaven and Earth! In all things you work for the good of those who love you. I pray that in my situation today, you will work.

I want to go to California with the girls, but the plane tickets are $512. I would love for Lee to go, too. He doesn't want to, and he doesn't want me to go, either. Lord, step in please and soothe things, work this out! I want to see Sara, I want to spend time as a family out there.

I want to be a blessing to my husband, and to be a blessing to my family, too. Lord, you have inestimable power. I want to hand my problems to you! Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing!