I am really hurting over not having a quiet time with You in the morning. You know it, and I know it. I stop believing, and start letting the dreariness and disappointments of the world get to me.
I want to pray to You and ask You to make my morning quiet time possible again. But even as I pray it, I think about the fact that I've prayed for other things and nothing happened. When I am not in an early morning routine, spending time with You, this is where my mind goes.
I pray for it anyway. How can I get my quiet time back? It seems impossible right now. Can You make it possible? Lee doesn't seem willing to wake up earlier and take care of Lily in the morning. And if I'm being honest, I know that I wouldn't be willing to stay up late to take over one of his chores. So I'm stuck, waking up at 6:30 and not having a free moment to myself until 8:30.
I could start my iVillage work at 10 am. I could dedicate 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m. to quiet time. This will be a hard habit to start, because I like getting things done early, and because there are so many things to tempt me away from You between 9 am and 10 am. I could commit to doing it...
Monday, 10/24: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Tuesday, 10/25: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Wednesday, 10/26: none because of bible study
Thursday, 10/27: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Friday, 10/28: none because of Isabel's class party
I am convicted today to try to avoid things like gossip and TV shows that fill my head with thoughts that bring me down. Please forgive me for the gossiping I've already done today. Please guard my mouth today at Michele's house.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Rest
Lord,
As you know, I'm struggling lately with believing. I've put deadlines on prayers, which I thought you'd prompted me to do, and...nothing. I've had several prayers answered this year, of course. But nothing that definitively told me that YES you exist. I'm still typing into a chasm. And now that my schedule isn't accommodating You (driving both kids to school has taken away my A.M. quiet time), I just continue to drift.
I talked to Sara last night, and hearing the horror stories and the desperation in her voice, I want somewhere to turn. I know that I can turn to You, even when I'm not sure that You exist. It sure would be more comforting if I was convinced that You exist, but there it is. What I have is: 1) Many people believe. 2) The Bible is real, the actual pages and words and work put into it, and generations of millions have followed it. Tens of thousands have studied it since it was written, and it has not been debunked. It may not be proven to be true, but it hasn't been proven to be fiction, either. Those who consider it irrelevent don't have another suggestion or explanation for why we're here. 3) I myself have derived comfort from You.
Talking to Sara was very upsetting. I think I'll just present the circumstances to You. Leave them with You, who is all good, all loving, all healing.
There's the guy who showed up for the match.com date and sighed, obviously disappointed that Sara was not as pretty as her profile picture.
There's the guy who casually told her that he had another match.com date this week, and then sent a text to his friend that said, "No, I wish. Another girl, Sara."
There's the skinny, bald 40-year-old who lives in a garage crawling with ants and no light, and who is the only man who's expressed interest.
Lord, You are there. You are there? I'm going to go with the fact that You are there. You see these situations that Sara slogs through. You see how helpless she feels, how desperate.
I would like to give these situations to You. You take them and dispose of them, and fill her up with light and love instead. Take them away and replace them with light, and love, and hope. This sounds like I am ordering You around, the creator of the universe. How much easier it is to do that when I only half believe!
No, I am going to CHOOSE to believe. You say, Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Sara needs your rest!
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
As you know, I'm struggling lately with believing. I've put deadlines on prayers, which I thought you'd prompted me to do, and...nothing. I've had several prayers answered this year, of course. But nothing that definitively told me that YES you exist. I'm still typing into a chasm. And now that my schedule isn't accommodating You (driving both kids to school has taken away my A.M. quiet time), I just continue to drift.
I talked to Sara last night, and hearing the horror stories and the desperation in her voice, I want somewhere to turn. I know that I can turn to You, even when I'm not sure that You exist. It sure would be more comforting if I was convinced that You exist, but there it is. What I have is: 1) Many people believe. 2) The Bible is real, the actual pages and words and work put into it, and generations of millions have followed it. Tens of thousands have studied it since it was written, and it has not been debunked. It may not be proven to be true, but it hasn't been proven to be fiction, either. Those who consider it irrelevent don't have another suggestion or explanation for why we're here. 3) I myself have derived comfort from You.
Talking to Sara was very upsetting. I think I'll just present the circumstances to You. Leave them with You, who is all good, all loving, all healing.
There's the guy who showed up for the match.com date and sighed, obviously disappointed that Sara was not as pretty as her profile picture.
There's the guy who casually told her that he had another match.com date this week, and then sent a text to his friend that said, "No, I wish. Another girl, Sara."
There's the skinny, bald 40-year-old who lives in a garage crawling with ants and no light, and who is the only man who's expressed interest.
Lord, You are there. You are there? I'm going to go with the fact that You are there. You see these situations that Sara slogs through. You see how helpless she feels, how desperate.
I would like to give these situations to You. You take them and dispose of them, and fill her up with light and love instead. Take them away and replace them with light, and love, and hope. This sounds like I am ordering You around, the creator of the universe. How much easier it is to do that when I only half believe!
No, I am going to CHOOSE to believe. You say, Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Sara needs your rest!
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Monday, September 12, 2011
Disconnected
There is a spiritual world that I cannot see. This world has order, and purpose. I long to be part of it, but that requires quiet reflection, and I have the material world to contend with.
Tomorrow is the first day of my Circle of Friends group at church. We are studying Becoming a Woman of Influence. We are asked who we'd like to influence.
I'd like to influence my children. My husband, my sister, my parents. I'd like to influence my children's friends.
What's stopping me? I feel pulled in too many directions. I want to get my work done, make lists and cross things off of them. Meanwhile, the spiritual world is there, and I feel like I can't enter it because of all these things to do first.
Lord, I pray for Lily today, that she will feel comfortable at school, that others will reach out to her and she'll reach out to them. I pray for You to watch over her, guide her.
I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her, protect her and help her to use her voice. I pray for Lee, that He will continue to seek You out and to do the right thing.
I pray for Dad, that I would be understanding and sensitive to his feelings, and loving, and grateful for all that he's given me.
I pray for Mom, protect her Lord, she is my greatest friend.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Tomorrow is the first day of my Circle of Friends group at church. We are studying Becoming a Woman of Influence. We are asked who we'd like to influence.
I'd like to influence my children. My husband, my sister, my parents. I'd like to influence my children's friends.
What's stopping me? I feel pulled in too many directions. I want to get my work done, make lists and cross things off of them. Meanwhile, the spiritual world is there, and I feel like I can't enter it because of all these things to do first.
Lord, I pray for Lily today, that she will feel comfortable at school, that others will reach out to her and she'll reach out to them. I pray for You to watch over her, guide her.
I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her, protect her and help her to use her voice. I pray for Lee, that He will continue to seek You out and to do the right thing.
I pray for Dad, that I would be understanding and sensitive to his feelings, and loving, and grateful for all that he's given me.
I pray for Mom, protect her Lord, she is my greatest friend.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Friday, September 9, 2011
Mercy
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners." Matthew 9:13
What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? To use my time? Jesus cares deeply about this. "I desire mercy," He says. What is it to show someone mercy? To forgive and to nurture.
Lord, this doesn't come naturally to me. I cannot do it without You, but then, You already know that. Your scripture is full of references to the Holy Spirit, which helps. Which overrides my own way of thinking.
I pray for that today. Override my own way of thinking. You desire mercy, and You show me mercy.
I'm resisting You. Why? Because getting up early is hard. Because I'm busy. Because I forget what it's like to follow You and have Your guidance. Then I stop believing that You exist, let alone that You offer guidance.
The Bible is teeming with cross references. Matthew 9:13 refers back to Hosea 6:6. The basic themes hold together, and intricately fit together. Let me see that as proof of something supernatural going on.
I pray that You will show me who needs You today, and show me how I can help. Dad? I will give him a call.
I pray for Lily, who is frustrated and obstinate and full of tears these days. I pray that You would show me how to handle her. She is my sweet girl.
I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her and protect her today. Keep her safe.
I pray for Lee, that You would be with him at work today, whatever's expected of him.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? To use my time? Jesus cares deeply about this. "I desire mercy," He says. What is it to show someone mercy? To forgive and to nurture.
Lord, this doesn't come naturally to me. I cannot do it without You, but then, You already know that. Your scripture is full of references to the Holy Spirit, which helps. Which overrides my own way of thinking.
I pray for that today. Override my own way of thinking. You desire mercy, and You show me mercy.
I'm resisting You. Why? Because getting up early is hard. Because I'm busy. Because I forget what it's like to follow You and have Your guidance. Then I stop believing that You exist, let alone that You offer guidance.
The Bible is teeming with cross references. Matthew 9:13 refers back to Hosea 6:6. The basic themes hold together, and intricately fit together. Let me see that as proof of something supernatural going on.
I pray that You will show me who needs You today, and show me how I can help. Dad? I will give him a call.
I pray for Lily, who is frustrated and obstinate and full of tears these days. I pray that You would show me how to handle her. She is my sweet girl.
I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her and protect her today. Keep her safe.
I pray for Lee, that You would be with him at work today, whatever's expected of him.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Thursday, September 8, 2011
mentor
For my Circle of Friends group, we are reading "Becoming a Woman of Influence."
The first question of the first chapter asks the reader to think of one older person who has influenced your life in a positive, spiritually challenging way. Describe what this person did to affect the direction of your life.
I would say Martha, my "Next Generation Mentoring" mentor. I admire the way she handles being a wife and mother. She confided in me that she wouldn't consider her relationship with her husband as a natural friendship. (I had just described my own relationship with Lee that way.) But she gently persevered in her marriage by seeing herself first and foremost as his helper. I've since read about this concept in books, but it was hearing it from her that inspired me.
Lee is my friend, and my husband. And I love him. I want to be his helper, even when I don't feel like it. It's hard, there are times when he hurts my feelings, especially in his dealings with my parents; but I saw how Martha pursued this goal of being her husband's helper in a steadfast way. And I know I'm capable of it, too.
Lord, I pray for Lee. I pray for his self confidence at work, and for him to know that I love him and am determined to be his helper for life. I pray for his safety and health. I pray that You will show me how to be his helper this week. He said last night that he'd like to start juicing again. I can make him juice, that's a start.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
The first question of the first chapter asks the reader to think of one older person who has influenced your life in a positive, spiritually challenging way. Describe what this person did to affect the direction of your life.
I would say Martha, my "Next Generation Mentoring" mentor. I admire the way she handles being a wife and mother. She confided in me that she wouldn't consider her relationship with her husband as a natural friendship. (I had just described my own relationship with Lee that way.) But she gently persevered in her marriage by seeing herself first and foremost as his helper. I've since read about this concept in books, but it was hearing it from her that inspired me.
Lee is my friend, and my husband. And I love him. I want to be his helper, even when I don't feel like it. It's hard, there are times when he hurts my feelings, especially in his dealings with my parents; but I saw how Martha pursued this goal of being her husband's helper in a steadfast way. And I know I'm capable of it, too.
Lord, I pray for Lee. I pray for his self confidence at work, and for him to know that I love him and am determined to be his helper for life. I pray for his safety and health. I pray that You will show me how to be his helper this week. He said last night that he'd like to start juicing again. I can make him juice, that's a start.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I'm back. (You're still here.)
Anything I write today is going to sound canned. I have taken the summer off from You. You've stayed right here, I know. Here are things I've done:
Registered at a consignment sale as a "new mom" so I could get into the pre-sale.
Gossiped.
Worried about my future, my "legacy."
Felt jealous, competitive.
Saw the young-looking women on the book jacket covers of the novels I've read, and felt frustrated, like life is passing me by.
Felt like I'm not living up to my potential.
That last one may be...true? Partly true? Only true if I stay away from You from here on out, but not true if I return to You?
I've been worried about the "life passing me by" thing a lot this week. Next week, I'll start a new bible study at church, reading the book "Becoming a Woman of Influence," by Carol Kent. In the first chapter, she writes about how Jesus interacts with Matthew, the tax collector. "Jesus saw who Matthew could become - one of His biographers! He saw weaknesses that could be turned into strengths. He envisioned a transformed lifestyle. A new passion. A tenacious loyalty."
Today I pray that you will turn me back in Your direction, and that You will give me peace. I am greedy, always asking for something, and today it's peace I want. But I also truly do want to follow You with a tenacious loyalty.
"Consider the lilies of the field. They sow not, neither do they spin. Yet Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these. If God so clothes the grass of the field, shall he not much more clothe you?"
I'm back.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sisters
This is an Elizabeth Elliot quote about parents. I changed the words to make it reflect sisters, because the same is true for them.
"God knows the feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, and failure which conscientious sisters feel. But it was His idea to make them sisters and to give them this particular sibling. He knew they would not do a perfect job. He is Father to these sisters, and promises every kind of help they need. He stands beside them in every situation, ready to give wisdom as needed and grace to help in time of need if only they will turn to Him and ask for it. He teaches them how to love each other." {Elisabeth Elliot}
Lord, I don't have time to pray right now. So here is my popcorn prayer: I feel discouraged, inadequate and like a failure as a sister to Sara. Please help. Change me. In Your son's name I pray, Amen
"God knows the feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, and failure which conscientious sisters feel. But it was His idea to make them sisters and to give them this particular sibling. He knew they would not do a perfect job. He is Father to these sisters, and promises every kind of help they need. He stands beside them in every situation, ready to give wisdom as needed and grace to help in time of need if only they will turn to Him and ask for it. He teaches them how to love each other." {Elisabeth Elliot}
Lord, I don't have time to pray right now. So here is my popcorn prayer: I feel discouraged, inadequate and like a failure as a sister to Sara. Please help. Change me. In Your son's name I pray, Amen
Monday, June 27, 2011
Bad weekend
This past weekend was so hard. Sara accused me of being insensitive. She cried and cried, so lonely and terrified by her life, and spit accusations at me about rarely holding up my end of our relationship. She said that I "am hard-wired not to care." Ouch.
I cannot pray. I need help. This passage is from Daily Prayer Online.
In God's loving presence I unwind the past weekend, starting from now and looking back, moment by moment. I gather in all the goodness and light, in gratitude. I attend to the shadows and what they say to me, seeking healing, courage, forgiveness.
Jesus always points us to life. I pray that I may recognise signs of growth and hope and follow them.
I do seek healing, courage, forgiveness. I need You. I need Your love to wash over me, so that I have more love to share. I wasn't doing anything nefarious. Just living my life. Now I'm aware that this is not enough. If I see suffering, I have to do something. How was I not aware of this? I was. I just chose not to think about it.
Lord, please forgive me. Re-orient me towards thinking about how to love those around me. I pray for wisdom, guidance, help. Then I go about my day and do whatever I would have done.
Please extract my pride. Take it away. I want to deal with my family humbly.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Friday, June 17, 2011
Trust
Yesterday my mind was focused on Isabel's fate--who her first grade teacher would be. I have already prayed about this, and told God that I would let it go. But it is SO hard. There is a teacher who is so terrible, according to some people, that the year would be ruined if she got her.
We ran into Mrs. Crandall, Isabel's kindergarten teacher (who plays a big part in placing her in a class), in Kroger. I ambushed her and asked if Isabel got that teacher that Julie Tibbs, Mary Grace's mom, didn't like. She said, "I can't remember which teacher Isabel got, but it's probably not that one that Julie hates. I don't remember, though. And it could change." Not reassuring. In other words, Maybe. I don't know.
I was in the midst of telling Lee about this when Lily brought me a Scripture passage on a slip of paper. (It was from the Blessings Jar in the kitchen, and she was showing me that Hannah Egan had written on the back of it.)
The Scripture read: "If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent." Psalm 91:9-10
"Trust me. No harm will befall you." Lord, my mind races. Does this apply to this situation? Where in the Bible does it say, "Don't get involved in which teacher your child gets in school. Just sit back and let her get what she gets and don't get upset." Is Pinkalicious' mother really so wise? (Yes, she is, in the context she says it. "No more cupcakes.")
The greater lesson, I think, is that it doesn't matter. I should be looking at Isabel's classroom placement in the context of You. What can I do, what can Isabel do, to enrich the lives of those around her in her first grade class? I should be praying for Isabel's teacher, whoever she is. Lord, I pray for whoever Isabel got as her first grade teacher. I pray that the children will learn kindness, empathy, compassion and goodness from being in her classroom. I pray that they will learn to do their best, but not to be intimidated by tests and trials. I pray that Isabel will come to rely on You in her circumstances. I pray that You will give me the know-how to teach her how to do this. I pray that my focus will remain on You, and that Isabel will learn from that.
Here is a passage from Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love.
Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created for God; "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."
Don't we live instead as though God is created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones? Psalm 115:3 reveals, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him." Yet we keep on questioning Him.
Lord, I want to stop being so focused on all the little problems and rest in You. So I will meditate on this passage:
"If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent."
I also need to fix my erroneous definition of "disaster." The opportunity to learn and grow spiritually through difficult circumstances is not a disaster.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
We ran into Mrs. Crandall, Isabel's kindergarten teacher (who plays a big part in placing her in a class), in Kroger. I ambushed her and asked if Isabel got that teacher that Julie Tibbs, Mary Grace's mom, didn't like. She said, "I can't remember which teacher Isabel got, but it's probably not that one that Julie hates. I don't remember, though. And it could change." Not reassuring. In other words, Maybe. I don't know.
I was in the midst of telling Lee about this when Lily brought me a Scripture passage on a slip of paper. (It was from the Blessings Jar in the kitchen, and she was showing me that Hannah Egan had written on the back of it.)
The Scripture read: "If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent." Psalm 91:9-10
"Trust me. No harm will befall you." Lord, my mind races. Does this apply to this situation? Where in the Bible does it say, "Don't get involved in which teacher your child gets in school. Just sit back and let her get what she gets and don't get upset." Is Pinkalicious' mother really so wise? (Yes, she is, in the context she says it. "No more cupcakes.")
The greater lesson, I think, is that it doesn't matter. I should be looking at Isabel's classroom placement in the context of You. What can I do, what can Isabel do, to enrich the lives of those around her in her first grade class? I should be praying for Isabel's teacher, whoever she is. Lord, I pray for whoever Isabel got as her first grade teacher. I pray that the children will learn kindness, empathy, compassion and goodness from being in her classroom. I pray that they will learn to do their best, but not to be intimidated by tests and trials. I pray that Isabel will come to rely on You in her circumstances. I pray that You will give me the know-how to teach her how to do this. I pray that my focus will remain on You, and that Isabel will learn from that.
Here is a passage from Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love.
Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created for God; "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."
Don't we live instead as though God is created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones? Psalm 115:3 reveals, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him." Yet we keep on questioning Him.
Lord, I want to stop being so focused on all the little problems and rest in You. So I will meditate on this passage:
"If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent."
I also need to fix my erroneous definition of "disaster." The opportunity to learn and grow spiritually through difficult circumstances is not a disaster.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Friday, June 3, 2011
Keeping the peace
"Honor one another above yourself." (Romans 12:10)
Such a simple command, and so hard to follow. Lord, I pray for Your help in this.
Today I want to talk to the girls about how they treat each other. In general, they love each other and play together. But every day they also fight. Often it leads to tears. I'm going to talk to them about psalm 34:14 and proverbs 15. God wants us to live in peace with each other. A harsh word stirs up anger. A gentle answer turns away wrath.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:17)
Where was I when You created everything? When You set the leopard running and when you gave the birds their song? When You made love the center of all things? When You made your plan to save me from myself? When You dreamed up Isabel and Lily and put them in my care?
You set my life in motion, and You are here still.
I long to hear what You have to say to me, and I am scattered and anxious. When I try to sit quietly and listen, my mind wanders. I sit here and type, hoping that You will speak to me through my own thoughts.
The day before me...swim team practice. The kids will be getting their ribbons for the first meet. Isabel didn't attend. That's OK--neither did Hannah Egan. I want Isabel to learn that achievement is good but loving You is more important.
I want to teach the children to seek You out. Show me how to do that, Lord.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Prayers for today
I think about the day ahead. I think about it in light of God, who laid the foundations of the earth, who remains the same and whose years will never end.
I have many thoughts running through my mind.
Chattahoochee Nature Center trip today, with church. Lord, thank you for my children, for outings with them. Thank you for other friends who believe in You. This helps. I pray for an ability to get my job responsibilities done despite being away during the time frame I should be at my computer. Please give me peace about this.
I pray for John Stephen on his first day of work at his new job.
Show me what I can do today that has meaning and purpose!
I pray about the children learning to swim. I pray that they would learn how to swim, simple as that. And I pray that I can put this in Your hands and stop worrying about it so much.
Speaking of worrying. My thoughts continue to return to Isabel's first grade teacher. Whoever it is, I pray for her right now, this summer, that You would strengthen her and bless her and prepare her for the first grade year ahead. I pray that Isabel would NOT get Mrs. Bab. And I pray that Isabel would NOT get placed in the same class as Hannah. However, I also pray that Your will be done.
You know that I struggle with this. If I am privy to inside information (i.e. a certain teacher is terrible), I want to use it. I STILL haven't figured out whether I should use it, or whether I should trust You to put Isabel in the right class for her without my help. Would I allow her to play in traffic and just trust that You would keep her safe? Certainly not.
But this is not so clear cut as that. What I hear about Mrs. Bab comes from three different sources, none of whom know each other. That would tell me that this woman is BAD NEWS. On the other hand, You are bigger than these three people. Is not writing a letter to the school (requesting a different teacher) the equivalent of letting Isabel play in traffic? It seems that way. And still I'm not sure.
Martha just prayed. She relied on Your power to guide her children into the right classrooms. I pray that You would guide Isabel into the right classroom.
I prayed that Sara would have an experience with Jesus by February 5, 2011, and as far as I know, that prayer went unanswered. Has it gone unanswered? Does this mean that You do not exist, that I'm typing this post to myself? That to pray about Isabel's teacher and leave it at that is pure folly?
I want to believe otherwise. And I choose to believe otherwise. You have proved me wrong in the past, Lord. Please do it again. Show me You are there, and that I can pray to You with assurance that You hear me.
I pray for Lee's situation at work. He is so angry at Fran and so resentful of him. He is set on applying to CNN. I pray that You will protect Lee from himself, that You will guard his tongue and guide him along the halls of Discovery, guarding him against misteps.
I pray for Fran, that You would soften him and give him peace. I pray that You would soften Lee, too.
I pray for Mom and Dad as they prepare to move here, and I pray in advance for the boundaries issue. Show me how to handle it!
I pray for our VBS drama skit. Please bless it, and help me to be loving towards the other "actors." I pray that You would help me to be aware of the overall purpose.
Lord, I am grateful.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
I have many thoughts running through my mind.
Chattahoochee Nature Center trip today, with church. Lord, thank you for my children, for outings with them. Thank you for other friends who believe in You. This helps. I pray for an ability to get my job responsibilities done despite being away during the time frame I should be at my computer. Please give me peace about this.
I pray for John Stephen on his first day of work at his new job.
Show me what I can do today that has meaning and purpose!
I pray about the children learning to swim. I pray that they would learn how to swim, simple as that. And I pray that I can put this in Your hands and stop worrying about it so much.
Speaking of worrying. My thoughts continue to return to Isabel's first grade teacher. Whoever it is, I pray for her right now, this summer, that You would strengthen her and bless her and prepare her for the first grade year ahead. I pray that Isabel would NOT get Mrs. Bab. And I pray that Isabel would NOT get placed in the same class as Hannah. However, I also pray that Your will be done.
You know that I struggle with this. If I am privy to inside information (i.e. a certain teacher is terrible), I want to use it. I STILL haven't figured out whether I should use it, or whether I should trust You to put Isabel in the right class for her without my help. Would I allow her to play in traffic and just trust that You would keep her safe? Certainly not.
But this is not so clear cut as that. What I hear about Mrs. Bab comes from three different sources, none of whom know each other. That would tell me that this woman is BAD NEWS. On the other hand, You are bigger than these three people. Is not writing a letter to the school (requesting a different teacher) the equivalent of letting Isabel play in traffic? It seems that way. And still I'm not sure.
Martha just prayed. She relied on Your power to guide her children into the right classrooms. I pray that You would guide Isabel into the right classroom.
I prayed that Sara would have an experience with Jesus by February 5, 2011, and as far as I know, that prayer went unanswered. Has it gone unanswered? Does this mean that You do not exist, that I'm typing this post to myself? That to pray about Isabel's teacher and leave it at that is pure folly?
I want to believe otherwise. And I choose to believe otherwise. You have proved me wrong in the past, Lord. Please do it again. Show me You are there, and that I can pray to You with assurance that You hear me.
I pray for Lee's situation at work. He is so angry at Fran and so resentful of him. He is set on applying to CNN. I pray that You will protect Lee from himself, that You will guard his tongue and guide him along the halls of Discovery, guarding him against misteps.
I pray for Fran, that You would soften him and give him peace. I pray that You would soften Lee, too.
I pray for Mom and Dad as they prepare to move here, and I pray in advance for the boundaries issue. Show me how to handle it!
I pray for our VBS drama skit. Please bless it, and help me to be loving towards the other "actors." I pray that You would help me to be aware of the overall purpose.
Lord, I am grateful.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Spirit of God
I'm reading John Ortberg's book, The Life You've Always Wanted. It was the book that Tim gave us when we became members of the church. Yesterday I was reading about the Spirit of God, how He guides us and speaks to us in our daily lives. Through Scripture, through other people, etc.
Last night I dreamt that I was shaken, upset to my core, talking to Mom. I was shaken by the idea that God did not exist after all. "If God does not exist, then everything comes crashing down!" I cried. "Everything that happens is random." This idea terrified me, left me feeling absolutely vulnerable. Mom just nodded. She couldn't reassure me definitively. No one can.
This morning I went through the books on our bookshelves and found a daily praise book. Today's Scripture:
"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
(Romans 8:14)
"Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirit of God." (1Corinthians 2:11)
As I write this, some very...there's been a very pungent intrusion. Isabel discovered Hunter's diarrhea on the floor of her room. It's hard to meditate on the word of God when kids and smells and having to wake Lee is all rushing in.
The daily praise book says, "Allow God to lead you by his Spirit and reveal his thoughts to you."
Lord, help.
Last night I dreamt that I was shaken, upset to my core, talking to Mom. I was shaken by the idea that God did not exist after all. "If God does not exist, then everything comes crashing down!" I cried. "Everything that happens is random." This idea terrified me, left me feeling absolutely vulnerable. Mom just nodded. She couldn't reassure me definitively. No one can.
This morning I went through the books on our bookshelves and found a daily praise book. Today's Scripture:
"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
(Romans 8:14)
"Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirit of God." (1Corinthians 2:11)
As I write this, some very...there's been a very pungent intrusion. Isabel discovered Hunter's diarrhea on the floor of her room. It's hard to meditate on the word of God when kids and smells and having to wake Lee is all rushing in.
The daily praise book says, "Allow God to lead you by his Spirit and reveal his thoughts to you."
Lord, help.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
first grade teacher
Lord,
I believe in You. I believe that You exist, silent and invisible but very real. You read my prayer posts. You love my children more than I do.
I have heard that there's a terrible teacher, deeply reviled by a wide swath of parents at Isabels' school. Isabel has a chance of getting this teacher next year. I beg You to spare her. I don't want my sweet, precious child to have to endure this hardship.
Does this mean I want You to make some other woman's child have to endure this woman? Yes, absolutely. Sinner that I am, I say, "Not me, Lord. Someone else." This is the selfish cry of a sinful mother who wants only the best for her children.
Lord, she is in Your hands, and You adore her like I do. More than I do. I could write a letter to Mrs. Crandall, request that Isabel not get this teacher. I know of at least two others who've done this. Their attitude is: "Not me, Lord. Someone else." That puts Isabel at a higher chance of getting this teacher, because I didn't write a letter. Which makes me crazy.
But You ultimately are in control, not people. I don't want to be passive. I want to be responsible and I want to act as my child's advocate. But I also want to trust You that You will put her in the classroom she's meant to be in.
I pray that she will get the teacher You want her to have. I pray that this is not random, not a matter of luck, good or bad. I pray that You are carefully orchestrating Isabel's first grade year, that You already see it spread out before us, and that during it Isabel and I both will learn to trust You and to love and care for others in Your name.
Lord, I pray that You exist. I pray that You will prevent Isabel from being assigned to Mrs. Bab's class. But I also pray for Your will to be done. Jesus prayed for Your will to be done. And that worked out well in the end.
: )
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
I believe in You. I believe that You exist, silent and invisible but very real. You read my prayer posts. You love my children more than I do.
I have heard that there's a terrible teacher, deeply reviled by a wide swath of parents at Isabels' school. Isabel has a chance of getting this teacher next year. I beg You to spare her. I don't want my sweet, precious child to have to endure this hardship.
Does this mean I want You to make some other woman's child have to endure this woman? Yes, absolutely. Sinner that I am, I say, "Not me, Lord. Someone else." This is the selfish cry of a sinful mother who wants only the best for her children.
Lord, she is in Your hands, and You adore her like I do. More than I do. I could write a letter to Mrs. Crandall, request that Isabel not get this teacher. I know of at least two others who've done this. Their attitude is: "Not me, Lord. Someone else." That puts Isabel at a higher chance of getting this teacher, because I didn't write a letter. Which makes me crazy.
But You ultimately are in control, not people. I don't want to be passive. I want to be responsible and I want to act as my child's advocate. But I also want to trust You that You will put her in the classroom she's meant to be in.
I pray that she will get the teacher You want her to have. I pray that this is not random, not a matter of luck, good or bad. I pray that You are carefully orchestrating Isabel's first grade year, that You already see it spread out before us, and that during it Isabel and I both will learn to trust You and to love and care for others in Your name.
Lord, I pray that You exist. I pray that You will prevent Isabel from being assigned to Mrs. Bab's class. But I also pray for Your will to be done. Jesus prayed for Your will to be done. And that worked out well in the end.
: )
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
His love endures forever.
I just read psalm 136. It goes like this:
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever. 2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever. 3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
The whole psalm goes along this way. A line about God and then, His love endures forever.
Yesterday morning, I lingered in bed and skipped my quiet time with the bible.
His love endures forever.
I made the girls pancakes.
His love endures forever.
I dropped Isabel off at swim practice, and Lily and I went to Kroger. (Fun, fun, fun.)
His love endures forever.
Got back a little late. Renee had taken it upon herself to sit with Isabel until I got there.
His love endures forever.
Got back to the house and spent three joyless hours writing my iVillage post, with the girls interrupting and annoying me.
His love endures forever.
Lunch and a drive to Steinmart to replace the sunglasses I lost the other day. Isabel complained about her shoes, and having to walk far, and the heat. I thought about how much I love them both, my sweet girls. I am so truly thankful for them. Once inside the store, I went about my business. They were fine.
His love endures forever.
Playdate with Laurie Abel and her kids at her subdivision pool. I gossiped with her and dissed Lee's mom. So weak and lame on my part.
His love endures forever.
Took the girls to McDonalds. Tried to sit patiently and wait while they played in the indoor play place.
His love endures forever.
Scyped with Mom and Dad, who were disappointed to hear that my participation in the VBS drama skit would prevent me from helping them to pack and move.
His love endures forever.
Talked to Sara about it on the phone. Fretted about Mom and Dad moving here, and establishing boundaries.
His love endures forever.
Visited with Melanie next store while the girls played with her boys. Discussed the boundaries issue.
His love endures forever.
Searched online for a swingset on craigslist. Looking for one with monkey bars, so the girls can work on their upper arm strength. (Maybe this would help Lily with gymnastics?)
His love endures forever.
Read the girls books until they fell asleep.
His love endures forever.
Went to bed at 9:30 pm. I love early bedtimes! With Lee gone on a trip to visit his friends, I'm free to sleep, sleep, sleep.
His love endures forever.
Lily wet the bed. I changed her, and both girls came in my bed with me.
His love endures forever.
Couldn't go back to sleep, because my neck hurt. Went downstairs and got the neck massager that Dad bought me. Used it for about an hour, then went back to sleep.
His love endures forever.
Woke up this morning, and here I am.
His love endures forever.
The difference between what I just wrote and David's psalm: The in-between lines are all about me. His in-between lines are all about God.
Here's my day, today. Can I write it from God's perspective?
I'll watch over her, my precious daughter, as she fixes breakfast for my precious little girls, Isabel and Lily. My love for them endures forever!
I'll be with her while she and my precious ones run errands. I'll prompt her not to speed. I'll follow along with their car, be with them. I'll go along with them to CVS, to Goldberg's bagels, to the library. I'll speak to her through the Justin Roberts songs on the CD in the car. Maybe she'll listen. My love for her endures forever!
I'll be with them at the pool, where they'll run into people I know and love. I'll speak to her through her circumstances, through the book she reads. I'll watch my sweet little ones splash around. Oh, how I love them! I love them even more than she does. My love endures forever.
I'll guide her as she plans for the week ahead. Which play dates should she set up? Who needs some time to talk with her? I'll make room in her schedule to meditate on me. My love endures forever.
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever. 2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever. 3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
The whole psalm goes along this way. A line about God and then, His love endures forever.
Yesterday morning, I lingered in bed and skipped my quiet time with the bible.
His love endures forever.
I made the girls pancakes.
His love endures forever.
I dropped Isabel off at swim practice, and Lily and I went to Kroger. (Fun, fun, fun.)
His love endures forever.
Got back a little late. Renee had taken it upon herself to sit with Isabel until I got there.
His love endures forever.
Got back to the house and spent three joyless hours writing my iVillage post, with the girls interrupting and annoying me.
His love endures forever.
Lunch and a drive to Steinmart to replace the sunglasses I lost the other day. Isabel complained about her shoes, and having to walk far, and the heat. I thought about how much I love them both, my sweet girls. I am so truly thankful for them. Once inside the store, I went about my business. They were fine.
His love endures forever.
Playdate with Laurie Abel and her kids at her subdivision pool. I gossiped with her and dissed Lee's mom. So weak and lame on my part.
His love endures forever.
Took the girls to McDonalds. Tried to sit patiently and wait while they played in the indoor play place.
His love endures forever.
Scyped with Mom and Dad, who were disappointed to hear that my participation in the VBS drama skit would prevent me from helping them to pack and move.
His love endures forever.
Talked to Sara about it on the phone. Fretted about Mom and Dad moving here, and establishing boundaries.
His love endures forever.
Visited with Melanie next store while the girls played with her boys. Discussed the boundaries issue.
His love endures forever.
Searched online for a swingset on craigslist. Looking for one with monkey bars, so the girls can work on their upper arm strength. (Maybe this would help Lily with gymnastics?)
His love endures forever.
Read the girls books until they fell asleep.
His love endures forever.
Went to bed at 9:30 pm. I love early bedtimes! With Lee gone on a trip to visit his friends, I'm free to sleep, sleep, sleep.
His love endures forever.
Lily wet the bed. I changed her, and both girls came in my bed with me.
His love endures forever.
Couldn't go back to sleep, because my neck hurt. Went downstairs and got the neck massager that Dad bought me. Used it for about an hour, then went back to sleep.
His love endures forever.
Woke up this morning, and here I am.
His love endures forever.
The difference between what I just wrote and David's psalm: The in-between lines are all about me. His in-between lines are all about God.
Here's my day, today. Can I write it from God's perspective?
I'll watch over her, my precious daughter, as she fixes breakfast for my precious little girls, Isabel and Lily. My love for them endures forever!
I'll be with her while she and my precious ones run errands. I'll prompt her not to speed. I'll follow along with their car, be with them. I'll go along with them to CVS, to Goldberg's bagels, to the library. I'll speak to her through the Justin Roberts songs on the CD in the car. Maybe she'll listen. My love for her endures forever!
I'll be with them at the pool, where they'll run into people I know and love. I'll speak to her through her circumstances, through the book she reads. I'll watch my sweet little ones splash around. Oh, how I love them! I love them even more than she does. My love endures forever.
I'll guide her as she plans for the week ahead. Which play dates should she set up? Who needs some time to talk with her? I'll make room in her schedule to meditate on me. My love endures forever.
Friday, May 27, 2011
professionally speaking
Lord,
Back in September I started praying for an opportunity to write a book that glorified You by September 2011. But when another prayer deadline (Sara coming to know you by Feb 5) passed without a word from You, I stopped praying for either request. Now here I am, three months away from September 2011, and no closer to my professional goals.
Some people might say, "What gives, God?" I am too realistic (and too self-loathing) to react that way. My life keeps chugging along, with childrens' needs and dinners to make and wasted time. And no effort from me to launch something new, professionally. Even now, as I type this, I've just kicked the children out of my office so I can write these prayers.
Today I learned that an old colleague of mine wrote a best-selling book, based on a blog, and it's now being optioned into a TV show. She has children, just like I do. And yet she has pulled this off.
Lord, help me to listen. Show me what You have for me to do. I have to go now and write another mindless post about TV. Show me, Lord. Make me listen. Change my situation. Forgive me for not being grateful, and please please speak.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Party
I return to the psalms to be inspired by David in the way he prays. Today I read Psalm 125.
"Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, both now and forever...Oh Lord, do good to those...whose hearts are in tune with you."
I think of vast and majestic mountain ranges, walls of earth and rock soaring up skyward. Just like a mountain, so the Lord surrounds me. This same Lord loves me deeply. His is a supreme, untouchable power, and yet He works silently, invisibly, communicating softly. His desire is that I would love His people. Because I have His strength behind me, I can let go of my own pride. I can simply step out and serve, for Him, with His protection.
Today I will send an email to Mrs. Crandall and Mrs. Glover, Isabel's teachers, on this last day of school, to encourage and thank them. I will do everything I need to do for the end of school party, but I will try (try!) to keep something in mind: The Lord doesn't care about pizza and money and wristbands. He cares about love.
"Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, both now and forever...Oh Lord, do good to those...whose hearts are in tune with you."
I think of vast and majestic mountain ranges, walls of earth and rock soaring up skyward. Just like a mountain, so the Lord surrounds me. This same Lord loves me deeply. His is a supreme, untouchable power, and yet He works silently, invisibly, communicating softly. His desire is that I would love His people. Because I have His strength behind me, I can let go of my own pride. I can simply step out and serve, for Him, with His protection.
Today I will send an email to Mrs. Crandall and Mrs. Glover, Isabel's teachers, on this last day of school, to encourage and thank them. I will do everything I need to do for the end of school party, but I will try (try!) to keep something in mind: The Lord doesn't care about pizza and money and wristbands. He cares about love.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Power of Prayer
In The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg writes, "We may want to begin a particular day by praying over the day's schedule--meetings to attend, tasks to perform, people we will be with--and placing it in God's hands. At the end of the day it can be helpful to review the day with God: to go over the events that took place, to see what he might want to say to us through them, and to hand any anxieties or regrets over to him. If you are a confirmed morning person, you may want to do it when you first get up the next morning."
Yesterday was an anxious day. What worried me? The party on Wednesday. Taking out money for the pizza, etc. Lee said my mailed check didn't make it to the bank, or at least it hasn't been cashed yet. We are at a low point in our liquid account.
I'm also concerned about Lily learning to swim. From God's perspective, I simply need to do my best to make arrangements for her to learn, and leave the rest to Him.
"Prayer changes things."
Lord, I pray that You will gently shift Lily's attitude towards learning to swim. I pray that she will begin to enjoy it, and not feel pressure from me. Speaking of me, I want to be the mother you mean for me to be. Gentle, encouraging, gracious. Swimming is necessary for safety--and my role in this can be to be there for her. I'll arrange the lessons today at swim team practice. Lord, I pray that I'll approach the right person, and that You will open his/her heart to teach Lily to swim. Please give me courage and tact and kindness as I endeavor to get this done.
I pray for my day today, that I will make Lily and Isabel a priority while also getting my work done. I pray for the party preparations, that You will show me what's needed. I need to delegate, to figure out how much pizza to order, etc. I pray over these details with You, that You will show me how to proceed.
It is a testimony to You when I do things without grumbling or complaining. I want to show others what it means to follow You. Please equip me to do that.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Yesterday was an anxious day. What worried me? The party on Wednesday. Taking out money for the pizza, etc. Lee said my mailed check didn't make it to the bank, or at least it hasn't been cashed yet. We are at a low point in our liquid account.
I'm also concerned about Lily learning to swim. From God's perspective, I simply need to do my best to make arrangements for her to learn, and leave the rest to Him.
"Prayer changes things."
Lord, I pray that You will gently shift Lily's attitude towards learning to swim. I pray that she will begin to enjoy it, and not feel pressure from me. Speaking of me, I want to be the mother you mean for me to be. Gentle, encouraging, gracious. Swimming is necessary for safety--and my role in this can be to be there for her. I'll arrange the lessons today at swim team practice. Lord, I pray that I'll approach the right person, and that You will open his/her heart to teach Lily to swim. Please give me courage and tact and kindness as I endeavor to get this done.
I pray for my day today, that I will make Lily and Isabel a priority while also getting my work done. I pray for the party preparations, that You will show me what's needed. I need to delegate, to figure out how much pizza to order, etc. I pray over these details with You, that You will show me how to proceed.
It is a testimony to You when I do things without grumbling or complaining. I want to show others what it means to follow You. Please equip me to do that.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Transition
We're in a time of transition right now. Lily has finished school; Isabel has three days left. We're moving into summer. Now life is about swimming and (possibly) gymnastics for Lily and VBS and sporadic morning camps.
I'm reading a new book, too: The Life You've Always Wanted, by John Ortberg. Tim gave it to us when we joined the church. The chapter I'm reading right now is called The Unhurried Life.
The general point: you can't love, or follow Jesus, when you're in a hurry. You should practice not hurrying, even if it means finding peace at the end of a grocery line when you are expected to be somewhere ASAP.
Yesterday, I had a window of time when Lee could watch the kids. Just 35 minutes, because he had to bring Hunter to his grooming appointment at noon. So I set out quickly for the bagel store and Publix, to pick up some items I needed.
The stoplights between our house and Publix are killers--the waiting time stretches over what feels like six minutes. It's probably two or three, but it feels looong. These stop lights are definitely longer than lights in other parts of the country. Abigail and I have both noticed this, coming, respectively, from Virginia and New Jersey.
By the time I made it to the bagel store, I'd been sitting at traffic light stops for several minutes. Now my time was extremely short. I rushed in and out of Goldbergs. Then I rushed around Publix, chose the express lane checkout, and unloaded my items. Then I realized that the little old woman at the front of the line was holding things up. I looked over to the other checkout line, glanced down at my items (which I'd already unloaded onto the conveyor belt), and considered moving. But then a woman took the place I would have taken in that line, so I decided to stay put.
The old woman didn't speak English, and she kept reaching through her change purse trying to find coins. One at a time, she handed them to the check-out guy, a high school boy. After what seemed like several minutes, I began to listen in. "No, this is a Canadian coin, ma'am." "Ma'am, you still owe $1.53." "Ma'am, this is also a Canadian coin." And so on.
The three Japanese men in front of me didn't speak English, either. They just talked amongst themselves. The high school boy was young and needed her to give him the right amount of money. So we waited. She slowly rifled through her coin purse. My blood pressure rose. She coughed up 50 cents. Still needed another dollar.
Finally, I took out a dollar bill. Thrusting it into the high school boy's hand, I said, "How much does she need? A dollar? Here you go." The boy smiled and flushed with relief. "Thank you!"
The high school boy said something like, "You're all done. You can go." The old woman, slow and confused, said, "But who paid the dollar?" He gestured at me. She looked at me and said, "But I have the money!" "It's OK," I replied. What I didn't say was that it was worth it to me to pay a dollar to get rid of her. She was making me late, and Lee needed to make that dog grooming appointment.
I made it home just in time. Lee doesn't like to be late for things. It would have really irritated him if I'd been late. I felt good about it. But of course, I hadn't exactly acted in a loving manner in the store, had I?
So...back to the book. The author actually suggests an exercise: Next time you go to the grocery store, deliberately choose the longest line. Then let someone get in front of you. As you practice this, you should tell God you are trusting him to enable you to accomplish all you need to get done.
Lee made it to the dog groomer on time. But even if he hadn't, even if he'd been 15 minutes late, I suspect it wouldn't have been a big deal. He had to drop Hunter off and pick him back up again at 4 pm. Would getting there 15 minutes late have thrown everything off?
Of course, I didn't know this at the time. I only knew that my husband was counting on me to be back in time to allow him to make his appointment.
Lord, now I have to hurry off to get myself and the kids ready for church. I pray that You will show me ways to trust You as I attempt to slow down. Slowing down makes me nervous. It's complicated when others are counting on me to be on time. I imagine I could have chosen to make that grocery run at another time. Show me Your wisdom. Help me to slow down. I would like this summer with my children to be a time of love, not hurry.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
I'm reading a new book, too: The Life You've Always Wanted, by John Ortberg. Tim gave it to us when we joined the church. The chapter I'm reading right now is called The Unhurried Life.
The general point: you can't love, or follow Jesus, when you're in a hurry. You should practice not hurrying, even if it means finding peace at the end of a grocery line when you are expected to be somewhere ASAP.
Yesterday, I had a window of time when Lee could watch the kids. Just 35 minutes, because he had to bring Hunter to his grooming appointment at noon. So I set out quickly for the bagel store and Publix, to pick up some items I needed.
The stoplights between our house and Publix are killers--the waiting time stretches over what feels like six minutes. It's probably two or three, but it feels looong. These stop lights are definitely longer than lights in other parts of the country. Abigail and I have both noticed this, coming, respectively, from Virginia and New Jersey.
By the time I made it to the bagel store, I'd been sitting at traffic light stops for several minutes. Now my time was extremely short. I rushed in and out of Goldbergs. Then I rushed around Publix, chose the express lane checkout, and unloaded my items. Then I realized that the little old woman at the front of the line was holding things up. I looked over to the other checkout line, glanced down at my items (which I'd already unloaded onto the conveyor belt), and considered moving. But then a woman took the place I would have taken in that line, so I decided to stay put.
The old woman didn't speak English, and she kept reaching through her change purse trying to find coins. One at a time, she handed them to the check-out guy, a high school boy. After what seemed like several minutes, I began to listen in. "No, this is a Canadian coin, ma'am." "Ma'am, you still owe $1.53." "Ma'am, this is also a Canadian coin." And so on.
The three Japanese men in front of me didn't speak English, either. They just talked amongst themselves. The high school boy was young and needed her to give him the right amount of money. So we waited. She slowly rifled through her coin purse. My blood pressure rose. She coughed up 50 cents. Still needed another dollar.
Finally, I took out a dollar bill. Thrusting it into the high school boy's hand, I said, "How much does she need? A dollar? Here you go." The boy smiled and flushed with relief. "Thank you!"
The high school boy said something like, "You're all done. You can go." The old woman, slow and confused, said, "But who paid the dollar?" He gestured at me. She looked at me and said, "But I have the money!" "It's OK," I replied. What I didn't say was that it was worth it to me to pay a dollar to get rid of her. She was making me late, and Lee needed to make that dog grooming appointment.
I made it home just in time. Lee doesn't like to be late for things. It would have really irritated him if I'd been late. I felt good about it. But of course, I hadn't exactly acted in a loving manner in the store, had I?
So...back to the book. The author actually suggests an exercise: Next time you go to the grocery store, deliberately choose the longest line. Then let someone get in front of you. As you practice this, you should tell God you are trusting him to enable you to accomplish all you need to get done.
Lee made it to the dog groomer on time. But even if he hadn't, even if he'd been 15 minutes late, I suspect it wouldn't have been a big deal. He had to drop Hunter off and pick him back up again at 4 pm. Would getting there 15 minutes late have thrown everything off?
Of course, I didn't know this at the time. I only knew that my husband was counting on me to be back in time to allow him to make his appointment.
Lord, now I have to hurry off to get myself and the kids ready for church. I pray that You will show me ways to trust You as I attempt to slow down. Slowing down makes me nervous. It's complicated when others are counting on me to be on time. I imagine I could have chosen to make that grocery run at another time. Show me Your wisdom. Help me to slow down. I would like this summer with my children to be a time of love, not hurry.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Saturday, May 21, 2011
NGM dinner
We had our "graduation" dinner for Next Generation Mentoring last night. It was an odd feeling walking into Martha's house with our husbands. Of course the whole vibe changed. We were no longer our little band of five, with Martha at the head. But it was also fun and interesting to see everyone with their men. Our husbands are such an integral part of who we are; without them, none of us were ever really showing our whole selves.
Melissa wasn't there, of course, now that she's heading towards divorce. But this is a good thing, or at least a better thing than languishing in a one-sided relationship. Lord, I pray for Melissa, that she'll know that You are there through this with her, and that she and the children are in Your mind, in Your heart, and part of Your plan at every moment.
Some things I learned from Martha last night:
--She was a consistent presence for her middle school aged children when they came home after school. She put aside whatever she was doing, and sat and talked with them every day when they arrived home.
--When it came to school, she prayed for her children. She prayed about their placement in teachers' classrooms. She wasn't a letter-writer. And when her youngest, Claire, got a "bad" teacher, she simply prayed. The teacher turned out to be the best teacher for Claire.
Lord, thank you for Martha and for the NGM group, and for showing me these things now, before I stumble into them unaware. I want to be a consistent presence for my children, and to have faith that God is guiding them through their schooling process. I pray that I'll remember this later. What will I do if Isabel gets one of the teachers I've been warned about? Pray through it and accept it as God's will. This is about putting faith into practice.
Lord, I pray that You will place Isabel in the classroom You have for her, and that she will flourish in that classroom, whoever the teacher is.
I pray for the summer that stretches out before us. We have a lot to do, the children and I. Some goals:
Reading together
Reading the bible together
Learning to tie shoes
Practicing learning to ride a bike
Learning to swim
For Lily to gain confidence and self esteem though gymnastics
Lots of planned play dates
Healthy snacks
Learn little chores like making beds and clearing dinner table
I pray for Lily to improve in her swimming skills. Now that the swim instructor isn't coming to East Spring Lake, I need to find someone to teach her. Lord, please guide me in the direction I should go.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Melissa wasn't there, of course, now that she's heading towards divorce. But this is a good thing, or at least a better thing than languishing in a one-sided relationship. Lord, I pray for Melissa, that she'll know that You are there through this with her, and that she and the children are in Your mind, in Your heart, and part of Your plan at every moment.
Some things I learned from Martha last night:
--She was a consistent presence for her middle school aged children when they came home after school. She put aside whatever she was doing, and sat and talked with them every day when they arrived home.
--When it came to school, she prayed for her children. She prayed about their placement in teachers' classrooms. She wasn't a letter-writer. And when her youngest, Claire, got a "bad" teacher, she simply prayed. The teacher turned out to be the best teacher for Claire.
Lord, thank you for Martha and for the NGM group, and for showing me these things now, before I stumble into them unaware. I want to be a consistent presence for my children, and to have faith that God is guiding them through their schooling process. I pray that I'll remember this later. What will I do if Isabel gets one of the teachers I've been warned about? Pray through it and accept it as God's will. This is about putting faith into practice.
Lord, I pray that You will place Isabel in the classroom You have for her, and that she will flourish in that classroom, whoever the teacher is.
I pray for the summer that stretches out before us. We have a lot to do, the children and I. Some goals:
Reading together
Reading the bible together
Learning to tie shoes
Practicing learning to ride a bike
Learning to swim
For Lily to gain confidence and self esteem though gymnastics
Lots of planned play dates
Healthy snacks
Learn little chores like making beds and clearing dinner table
I pray for Lily to improve in her swimming skills. Now that the swim instructor isn't coming to East Spring Lake, I need to find someone to teach her. Lord, please guide me in the direction I should go.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Friday, May 20, 2011
Prayers for my children
I want to pray for my children.
Isabel is growing up strong and healthy and happy. I adore her little personality and her growing confidence. The musical boosted her self-esteem and allowed her to meet other kids. Kindergarten in general was a good year for Isabel.
I pray for Isabel's time on the swim team, Lord. That You would build her confidence and her abilities and her desire to be there. I pray for Your power and protection over her while she's in the pool. I pray that she'll learn how to swim--sooner rather than later! I also pray that she and I will be a pleasure and a help to the people around us at the swim team practices. I hope that I can model kindness for her, and that she'll learn it from me, whatever the circumstances around her.
I pray for Isabel's placement in first grade next year. Lord, You know what she needs, and You already know whose class she's going to be placed in next year. If wherever she ends up isn't the best for her, and You want her elsewhere, alert me and guide me in being her advocate. But of course I pray that You will guide her teachers/administrators to set her name down in the best class (for her). I pray that I can relax in You, that I've prayed about this and can now leave it in Your hands.
Lily is my adorable sack of sugar! Lord, I feel comfortable with the decision to have her do one more year of PreK. I pray for her to be placed with the best teacher for her at the Primrose School of Lassiter, and I pray that the atmosphere and children around her will help her to grow. I long for her to have confidence and to learn kindness towards others. I pray for Lily at gymnastics. She doesn't have the confidence or the will to try some of the moves, and the coach was frustrated with her. I pray for Your power over her while at gymnastics, that You would give her confidence and enthusiasm. I pray that she would learn self-control and obedience to her elders. I also pray for her to learn to swim this summer--despite her obstinence! Lord, help me to guide Lily as she tries new things. Help me to convey that it's ok to "keep messing up" as she says. I thank You that she is healthy and strong and has tremendous potential. Please show me where her gifts are, and to lead her in that direction.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Isabel is growing up strong and healthy and happy. I adore her little personality and her growing confidence. The musical boosted her self-esteem and allowed her to meet other kids. Kindergarten in general was a good year for Isabel.
I pray for Isabel's time on the swim team, Lord. That You would build her confidence and her abilities and her desire to be there. I pray for Your power and protection over her while she's in the pool. I pray that she'll learn how to swim--sooner rather than later! I also pray that she and I will be a pleasure and a help to the people around us at the swim team practices. I hope that I can model kindness for her, and that she'll learn it from me, whatever the circumstances around her.
I pray for Isabel's placement in first grade next year. Lord, You know what she needs, and You already know whose class she's going to be placed in next year. If wherever she ends up isn't the best for her, and You want her elsewhere, alert me and guide me in being her advocate. But of course I pray that You will guide her teachers/administrators to set her name down in the best class (for her). I pray that I can relax in You, that I've prayed about this and can now leave it in Your hands.
Lily is my adorable sack of sugar! Lord, I feel comfortable with the decision to have her do one more year of PreK. I pray for her to be placed with the best teacher for her at the Primrose School of Lassiter, and I pray that the atmosphere and children around her will help her to grow. I long for her to have confidence and to learn kindness towards others. I pray for Lily at gymnastics. She doesn't have the confidence or the will to try some of the moves, and the coach was frustrated with her. I pray for Your power over her while at gymnastics, that You would give her confidence and enthusiasm. I pray that she would learn self-control and obedience to her elders. I also pray for her to learn to swim this summer--despite her obstinence! Lord, help me to guide Lily as she tries new things. Help me to convey that it's ok to "keep messing up" as she says. I thank You that she is healthy and strong and has tremendous potential. Please show me where her gifts are, and to lead her in that direction.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Raising children
Isabel, Lily and I were at the Mountain View Aquatics Center last Friday. It was the last of Isabel's three swim lessons that I'd arranged before swim team was to start on Monday. Of the gaggle of five and six year olds in our subdivision, Isabel is the only one who can't freestyle her way across the pool. I wanted to remedy that.
I took a poolside seat next to another mother, who, like me, has two little girls. Her younger daughter, four-year-old Abby, played with Lily while her older sister was having her swim lesson. Abby could already swim; I fretted over the fact that Lily couldn't yet and wasn't even learning yet. I was concentrating on Isabel for the time being.
Eventually, Abby's big sister got out of the pool, and I saw that she had what looked to be a mild form of cerebral palsy. Her speech was fine, but her arms and legs had minds of their own. I was reminded to count my blessings, and to stop worrying so much.
On the way home in the car, I reminded Lily that her new friend's name was Abby. Isabel said that her sister's name was Hayley. How did you know that, I asked. She talked to us last week, Isabel said. Because of the way she walks.
Apparently, someone at the school arranged for Hayley to teach awareness about her condition to the younger kids. A fantastic idea. And I thought about the confidence of that little girl, being able to do that.
Lord, I am always being surprised. So often things aren't as they seem. I am weak, and I need You desperately. Please make room and time in my schedule for more of You.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
I took a poolside seat next to another mother, who, like me, has two little girls. Her younger daughter, four-year-old Abby, played with Lily while her older sister was having her swim lesson. Abby could already swim; I fretted over the fact that Lily couldn't yet and wasn't even learning yet. I was concentrating on Isabel for the time being.
Eventually, Abby's big sister got out of the pool, and I saw that she had what looked to be a mild form of cerebral palsy. Her speech was fine, but her arms and legs had minds of their own. I was reminded to count my blessings, and to stop worrying so much.
On the way home in the car, I reminded Lily that her new friend's name was Abby. Isabel said that her sister's name was Hayley. How did you know that, I asked. She talked to us last week, Isabel said. Because of the way she walks.
Apparently, someone at the school arranged for Hayley to teach awareness about her condition to the younger kids. A fantastic idea. And I thought about the confidence of that little girl, being able to do that.
Lord, I am always being surprised. So often things aren't as they seem. I am weak, and I need You desperately. Please make room and time in my schedule for more of You.
In Your son's name I pray,
Amen
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Hard to love.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength."
This is so hard because You are not here! And Your answer is: To love me is to love the people around you.
Today I need to buy Isabel some bug antennae and then I need to go to Walmart and buy first aid supplies for the missions trips to Ethiopia and Kenya.
I need to write the last day of the VBS skit from a place of love and service to the church. I need to give Isabel and Lily my time and attention.
I have to write my posts, figure out dinner, clean the house from top to bottom, launder mom and dad's sheets, help out with Isabel's dress rehearsal...
Jesus quotes Isaiah in Mark 7. He says, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding onto the traditions of men."
I pray for humility and grace.
This is so hard because You are not here! And Your answer is: To love me is to love the people around you.
Today I need to buy Isabel some bug antennae and then I need to go to Walmart and buy first aid supplies for the missions trips to Ethiopia and Kenya.
I need to write the last day of the VBS skit from a place of love and service to the church. I need to give Isabel and Lily my time and attention.
I have to write my posts, figure out dinner, clean the house from top to bottom, launder mom and dad's sheets, help out with Isabel's dress rehearsal...
Jesus quotes Isaiah in Mark 7. He says, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding onto the traditions of men."
I pray for humility and grace.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Prayers
Lately my focus is on the circumstances of my life--the kids' activities, my preparations for Isabel's play and the VBS drama, writing posts, getting the damn dinner on the table--that I don't give much thought to "fearing God." The things on my to-do list are real and pressing; God, meanwhile, is silent and invisible. The same old problem. This is from (you guessed it) Isaiah...
Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and have neither remembered me nor pondered this in your hearts? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me? I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you. When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." Isaiah 57:10-13
When I read Scripture in the morning, God is not silent. He speaks. Well, He communicates. "I am here. I will break into history again. Don't run off into "the far country," as Tim called it in his sermon yesterday. Keep praying. I am listening. When the day comes, you will be glad you stuck with Me."
Lord, my response to that is, as usual, contrition. And disappointment in myself. I'm sorry that I don't consult You in my decisions, or wonder what You would have me do in various situations.
I want to ask You to be there when Isabel's teachers are placing her in a first grade classroom. Please guide them to put her in the place You think is best for her. If there is a "bad" teacher, steer them away from putting her in that class. Tara said that people have problems with Mrs. Schnyder. If that's true, and Isabel would be discouraged in that classroom, please don't allow her to be placed there.
I pray for Mom and Dad's visit this week. I want to be a joy to them, and a help. I pray for You to open my eyes to the needs around me. To contribute to the Because of Kennedy missions trip to Ethiopia and to Tim and Abigail's missions trip to Kenya. First aid kits, shoes.
I pray for my sweet and precious Lily, and that You will show me how to teach her how to manage her emotions. Show me to show her how to diffuse her impulse for meltdowns. Lead me to materials that will help me to impress your wisdom on my children. To talk about You when I sit at home and when I walk along the road, as the Deuteronomy passage says.
I pray for Lee as he navigates work and office politics this week. Strengthen him, and help him to know how much I love him, especially when my parents are in town.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and have neither remembered me nor pondered this in your hearts? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me? I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you. When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." Isaiah 57:10-13
When I read Scripture in the morning, God is not silent. He speaks. Well, He communicates. "I am here. I will break into history again. Don't run off into "the far country," as Tim called it in his sermon yesterday. Keep praying. I am listening. When the day comes, you will be glad you stuck with Me."
Lord, my response to that is, as usual, contrition. And disappointment in myself. I'm sorry that I don't consult You in my decisions, or wonder what You would have me do in various situations.
I want to ask You to be there when Isabel's teachers are placing her in a first grade classroom. Please guide them to put her in the place You think is best for her. If there is a "bad" teacher, steer them away from putting her in that class. Tara said that people have problems with Mrs. Schnyder. If that's true, and Isabel would be discouraged in that classroom, please don't allow her to be placed there.
I pray for Mom and Dad's visit this week. I want to be a joy to them, and a help. I pray for You to open my eyes to the needs around me. To contribute to the Because of Kennedy missions trip to Ethiopia and to Tim and Abigail's missions trip to Kenya. First aid kits, shoes.
I pray for my sweet and precious Lily, and that You will show me how to teach her how to manage her emotions. Show me to show her how to diffuse her impulse for meltdowns. Lead me to materials that will help me to impress your wisdom on my children. To talk about You when I sit at home and when I walk along the road, as the Deuteronomy passage says.
I pray for Lee as he navigates work and office politics this week. Strengthen him, and help him to know how much I love him, especially when my parents are in town.
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
Friday, May 6, 2011
Walking the walk
Isaiah 58:2-9
Day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high...Share your food with the hungry, provide the poor wanderer with shelter. When you see the naked, clothe him, and do not turn away from your own flesh and blood.
[If you do these things] then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.
Day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high...Share your food with the hungry, provide the poor wanderer with shelter. When you see the naked, clothe him, and do not turn away from your own flesh and blood.
[If you do these things] then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
All Eyes on You
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." --Deuteronomy 6:5-7
I've taken my eyes off of You, and that's why I'm so agitated. I'm trying to keep my cool through my own strength, and it's exhausting.
You say, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
I am anxious about being judged, not measuring up, the same old thing. Exhausting. To take my mind off of my insecurities, I need somewhere else to focus my attention.
Here is Justin Roberts' song, All Eyes on You:
The world is unfurled for You
so soft and light so burning bright
so arms that cling so hearts that sing
don't cry now, just rest your eyes
sorrows will fade to stars unmade
and dreams unsung, thy will be done
night time now, all eyes on you
beautiful sight, day into night
dark into light, cuddle up tight
and if you wake, my soul to take
by your sweet grace, time won't erase, this...
All eyes on you
All eyes on you
Your eyes are, so warm and true
so soft and light, so burning bright
so arms that cling makes my heart sing
All eyes on you
I pray that I will be your eyes and hands and presence in the lives of those who need You right now. Amen
I've taken my eyes off of You, and that's why I'm so agitated. I'm trying to keep my cool through my own strength, and it's exhausting.
You say, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
I am anxious about being judged, not measuring up, the same old thing. Exhausting. To take my mind off of my insecurities, I need somewhere else to focus my attention.
Here is Justin Roberts' song, All Eyes on You:
The world is unfurled for You
so soft and light so burning bright
so arms that cling so hearts that sing
don't cry now, just rest your eyes
sorrows will fade to stars unmade
and dreams unsung, thy will be done
night time now, all eyes on you
beautiful sight, day into night
dark into light, cuddle up tight
and if you wake, my soul to take
by your sweet grace, time won't erase, this...
All eyes on you
All eyes on you
Your eyes are, so warm and true
so soft and light, so burning bright
so arms that cling makes my heart sing
All eyes on you
I pray that I will be your eyes and hands and presence in the lives of those who need You right now. Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)