Spirit of God

I'm reading John Ortberg's book, The Life You've Always Wanted. It was the book that Tim gave us when we became members of the church. Yesterday I was reading about the Spirit of God, how He guides us and speaks to us in our daily lives. Through Scripture, through other people, etc.

Last night I dreamt that I was shaken, upset to my core, talking to Mom. I was shaken by the idea that God did not exist after all. "If God does not exist, then everything comes crashing down!" I cried. "Everything that happens is random." This idea terrified me, left me feeling absolutely vulnerable. Mom just nodded. She couldn't reassure me definitively. No one can.

This morning I went through the books on our bookshelves and found a daily praise book. Today's Scripture:

"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
(Romans 8:14)

"Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirit of God." (1Corinthians 2:11)

As I write this, some very...there's been a very pungent intrusion. Isabel discovered Hunter's diarrhea on the floor of her room. It's hard to meditate on the word of God when kids and smells and having to wake Lee is all rushing in.

The daily praise book says, "Allow God to lead you by his Spirit and reveal his thoughts to you."

Lord, help.

first grade teacher

Lord,
I believe in You. I believe that You exist, silent and invisible but very real. You read my prayer posts. You love my children more than I do.


I have heard that there's a terrible teacher, deeply reviled by a wide swath of parents at Isabels' school. Isabel has a chance of getting this teacher next year. I beg You to spare her. I don't want my sweet, precious child to have to endure this hardship.


Does this mean I want You to make some other woman's child have to endure this woman? Yes, absolutely. Sinner that I am, I say, "Not me, Lord. Someone else." This is the selfish cry of a sinful mother who wants only the best for her children.


Lord, she is in Your hands, and You adore her like I do.  More than I do. I could write a letter to Mrs. Crandall, request that Isabel not get this teacher. I know of at least two others who've done this. Their attitude is: "Not me, Lord. Someone else." That puts Isabel at a higher chance of getting this teacher, because I didn't write a letter. Which makes me crazy.


But You ultimately are in control, not people. I don't want to be passive. I want to be responsible and I want to act as my child's advocate. But I also want to trust You that You will put her in the classroom she's meant to be in.


I pray that she will get the teacher You want her to have. I pray that this is not random, not a matter of luck, good or bad. I pray that You are carefully orchestrating Isabel's first grade year, that You already see it spread out before us, and that during it Isabel and I both will learn to trust You and to love and care for others in Your name.


Lord, I pray that You exist. I pray that You will prevent Isabel from being assigned to Mrs. Bab's class. But I also pray for Your will to be done. Jesus prayed for Your will to be done. And that worked out well in the end.
: )


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

His love endures forever.

I just read psalm 136. It goes like this:
 ¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
 His love endures forever. ² Give thanks to the God of gods.
 His love endures forever. ³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
 His love endures forever.


The whole psalm goes along this way. A line about God and then, His love endures forever. 


Yesterday morning, I lingered in bed and skipped my quiet time with the bible.
His love endures forever. 
I made the girls pancakes.
His love endures forever. 
I dropped Isabel off at swim practice, and Lily and I went to Kroger. (Fun, fun, fun.)
His love endures forever. 
Got back a little late. Renee had taken it upon herself to sit with Isabel until I got there.
His love endures forever. 
Got back to the house and spent three joyless hours writing my iVillage post, with the girls interrupting and annoying me.
His love endures forever. 
Lunch and a drive to Steinmart to replace the sunglasses I lost the other day. Isabel complained about her shoes, and having to walk far, and the heat. I thought about how much I love them both, my sweet girls. I am so truly thankful for them. Once inside the store, I went about my business. They were fine.
His love endures forever. 
Playdate with Laurie Abel and her kids at her subdivision pool. I gossiped with her and dissed Lee's mom.  So weak and lame on my part.
His love endures forever. 
Took the girls to McDonalds. Tried to sit patiently and wait while they played in the indoor play place.
His love endures forever. 
Scyped with Mom and Dad, who were disappointed to hear that my participation in the VBS drama skit would prevent me from helping them to pack and move.
His love endures forever. 
Talked to Sara about it on the phone. Fretted about Mom and Dad moving here, and establishing boundaries.
His love endures forever. 
Visited with Melanie next store while the girls played with her boys. Discussed the boundaries issue.
His love endures forever. 
Searched online for a swingset on craigslist. Looking for one with monkey bars, so the girls can work on their upper arm strength. (Maybe this would help Lily with gymnastics?)
His love endures forever. 
Read the girls books until they fell asleep.
His love endures forever. 
Went to bed at 9:30 pm. I love early bedtimes! With Lee gone on a trip to visit his friends, I'm free to sleep, sleep, sleep.
His love endures forever. 
Lily wet the bed. I changed her, and both girls came in my bed with me.
His love endures forever. 
Couldn't go back to sleep, because my neck hurt. Went downstairs and got the neck massager that Dad bought me. Used it for about an hour, then went back to sleep.
His love endures forever. 
Woke up this morning, and here I am.
His love endures forever. 




The difference between what I just wrote and David's psalm: The in-between lines are all about me. His in-between lines are all about God.


Here's my day, today. Can I write it from God's perspective?


I'll watch over her, my precious daughter, as she fixes breakfast for my precious little girls, Isabel and Lily. My love for them endures forever!


I'll be with her while she and my precious ones run errands. I'll prompt her not to speed. I'll follow along with their car, be with them. I'll go along with them to CVS, to Goldberg's bagels, to the library. I'll speak to her through the Justin Roberts songs on the CD in the car. Maybe she'll listen. My love for her endures forever!


I'll be with them at the pool, where they'll run into people I know and love. I'll speak to her through her circumstances, through the book she reads. I'll watch my sweet little ones splash around. Oh, how I love them! I love them even more than she does. My love endures forever.


I'll guide her as she plans for the week ahead. Which play dates should she set up? Who needs some time to talk with her? I'll make room in her schedule to meditate on me. My love endures forever.

professionally speaking

Lord,

Back in September I started praying for an opportunity to write a book that glorified You by September 2011. But when another prayer deadline (Sara coming to know you by Feb 5) passed without a word from You, I stopped praying for either request. Now here I am, three months away from September 2011, and no closer to my professional goals.

Some people might say, "What gives, God?" I am too realistic (and too self-loathing) to react that way. My life keeps chugging along, with childrens' needs and dinners to make and wasted time. And no effort from me to launch something new, professionally. Even now, as I type this, I've just kicked the children out of my office so I can write these prayers. 

Today I learned that an old colleague of mine wrote a best-selling book, based on a blog, and it's now being optioned into a TV show. She has children, just like I do. And yet she has pulled this off.

Lord, help me to listen. Show me what You have for me to do. I have to go now and write another mindless post about TV. Show me, Lord. Make me listen. Change my situation. Forgive me for not being grateful, and please please speak.

In Your son's name I pray,

Amen

Party

I return to the psalms to be inspired by David in the way he prays. Today I read Psalm 125.
"Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, both now and forever...Oh Lord, do good to those...whose hearts are in tune with you."

I think of vast and majestic mountain ranges,  walls of earth and rock soaring up skyward. Just like a mountain, so the Lord surrounds me. This same Lord loves me deeply. His is a supreme, untouchable power, and yet He works silently, invisibly, communicating softly. His desire is that I would love His people. Because I have His strength behind me, I can let go of my own pride. I can simply step out and serve, for Him, with His protection.

Today I will send an email to Mrs. Crandall and Mrs. Glover, Isabel's teachers, on this last day of school, to encourage and thank them. I will do everything I need to do for the end of school party, but I will try (try!) to keep something in mind: The Lord doesn't care about pizza and money and wristbands. He cares about love.

The Power of Prayer

In The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg writes, "We may want to begin a particular day by praying over the day's schedule--meetings to attend, tasks to perform, people we will be with--and placing it in God's hands. At the end of the day it can be helpful to review the day with God: to go over the events that took place, to see what he might want to say to us through them, and to hand any anxieties or regrets over to him. If you are a confirmed morning person, you may want to do it when you first get up the next morning."

Yesterday was an anxious day. What worried me? The party on Wednesday. Taking out money for the pizza, etc. Lee said my mailed check didn't make it to the bank, or at least it hasn't been cashed yet. We are at a low point in our liquid account.

I'm also concerned about Lily learning to swim. From God's perspective, I simply need to do my best to make arrangements for her to learn, and leave the rest to Him.

"Prayer changes things."

Lord, I pray that You will gently shift Lily's attitude towards learning to swim. I pray that she will begin to enjoy it, and not feel pressure from me. Speaking of me, I want to be the mother you mean for me to be. Gentle, encouraging, gracious. Swimming is necessary for safety--and my role in this can be to be there for her. I'll arrange the lessons today at swim team practice. Lord, I pray that I'll approach the right person, and that You will open his/her heart to teach Lily to swim. Please give me courage and tact and kindness as I endeavor to get this done.


I pray for my day today, that I will make Lily and Isabel a priority while also getting my work done. I pray for the party preparations, that You will show me what's needed. I need to delegate, to figure out how much pizza to order, etc. I pray over these details with You, that You will show me how to proceed.


It is a testimony to You when I do things without grumbling or complaining. I want to show others what it means to follow You. Please equip me to do that.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Transition

We're in a time of transition right now. Lily has finished school; Isabel has three days left. We're moving into summer. Now life is about swimming and (possibly) gymnastics for Lily and VBS and sporadic morning camps.

I'm reading a new book, too: The Life You've Always Wanted, by John Ortberg. Tim gave it to us when we joined the church. The chapter I'm reading right now is called The Unhurried Life.

The general point: you can't love, or follow Jesus, when you're in a hurry. You should practice not hurrying, even if it means finding peace at the end of a grocery line when you are expected to be somewhere ASAP.

Yesterday, I had a window of time when Lee could watch the kids. Just 35 minutes, because he had to bring Hunter to his grooming appointment at noon. So I set out quickly for the bagel store and Publix, to pick up some items I needed.

The stoplights between our house and Publix are killers--the waiting time stretches over what feels like six minutes. It's probably two or three, but it feels looong. These stop lights are definitely longer than lights in other parts of the country. Abigail and I have both noticed this, coming, respectively, from Virginia and New Jersey.

By the time I made it to the bagel store, I'd been sitting at traffic light stops for several minutes. Now my time was extremely short. I rushed in and out of Goldbergs. Then I rushed around Publix, chose the express lane checkout, and unloaded my items. Then I realized that the little old woman at the front of the line was holding things up. I looked over to the other checkout line, glanced down at my items (which I'd already unloaded onto the conveyor belt), and considered moving. But then a woman took the place I would have taken in that line, so I decided to stay put.

The old woman didn't speak English, and she kept reaching through her change purse trying to find coins. One at a time, she handed them to the check-out guy, a high school boy. After what seemed like several minutes, I began to listen in. "No, this is a Canadian coin, ma'am." "Ma'am, you still owe $1.53." "Ma'am, this is also a Canadian coin." And so on.

The three Japanese men in front of me didn't speak English, either. They just talked amongst themselves. The high school boy was young and needed her to give him the right amount of money. So we waited. She slowly rifled through her coin purse. My blood pressure rose. She coughed up 50 cents. Still needed another dollar.

Finally, I took out a dollar bill. Thrusting it into the high school boy's hand, I said, "How much does she need? A dollar? Here you go." The boy smiled and flushed with relief. "Thank you!"

The high school boy said something like, "You're all done. You can go." The old woman, slow and confused, said, "But who paid the dollar?" He gestured at me. She looked at me and said, "But I have the money!" "It's OK," I replied. What I didn't say was that it was worth it to me to pay a dollar to get rid of her. She was making me late, and Lee needed to make that dog grooming appointment.

I made it home just in time. Lee doesn't like to be late for things. It would have really irritated him if I'd been late. I felt good about it. But of course, I hadn't exactly acted in a loving manner in the store, had I?

So...back to the book. The author actually suggests an exercise: Next time you go to the grocery store, deliberately choose the longest line. Then let someone get in front of you. As you practice this, you should tell God you are trusting him to enable you to accomplish all you need to get done.

Lee made it to the dog groomer on time. But even if he hadn't, even if he'd been 15 minutes late, I suspect it wouldn't have been a big deal. He had to drop Hunter off and pick him back up again at 4 pm. Would getting there 15 minutes late have thrown everything off?

Of course, I didn't know this at the time. I only knew that my husband was counting on me to be back in time to allow him to make his appointment.

Lord, now I have to hurry off to get myself and the kids ready for church. I pray that You will show me ways to trust You as I attempt to slow down. Slowing down makes me nervous. It's complicated when others are counting on me to be on time. I imagine I could have chosen to make that grocery run at another time. Show me Your wisdom. Help me to slow down. I would like this summer with my children to be a time of love, not hurry. 


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

NGM dinner

We had our "graduation" dinner for Next Generation Mentoring last night. It was an odd feeling walking into Martha's house with our husbands. Of course the whole vibe changed. We were no longer our little band of five, with Martha at the head. But it was also fun and interesting to see everyone with their men. Our husbands are such an integral part of who we are; without them, none of us were ever really showing our whole selves.

Melissa wasn't there, of course, now that she's heading towards divorce. But this is a good thing, or at least a better thing than languishing in a one-sided relationship. Lord, I pray for Melissa, that she'll know that You are there through this with her, and that she and the children are in Your mind, in Your heart, and part of Your plan at every moment.


Some things I learned from Martha last night:
--She was a consistent presence for her middle school aged children when they came home after school. She put aside whatever she was doing, and sat and talked with them every day when they arrived home.
--When it came to school, she prayed for her children. She prayed about their placement in teachers' classrooms. She wasn't a letter-writer. And when her youngest, Claire, got a "bad" teacher, she simply prayed. The teacher turned out to be the best teacher for Claire.

Lord, thank you for Martha and for the NGM group, and for showing me these things now, before I stumble into them unaware. I want to be a consistent presence for my children, and to have faith that God is guiding them through their schooling process. I pray that I'll remember this later. What will I do if Isabel gets one of the teachers I've been warned about? Pray through it and accept it as God's will. This is about putting faith into practice. 


Lord, I pray that You will place Isabel in the classroom You have for her, and that she will flourish in that classroom, whoever the teacher is. 


I pray for the summer that stretches out before us. We have a lot to do, the children and I. Some goals:


Reading together
Reading the bible together
Learning to tie shoes
Practicing learning to ride a bike
Learning to swim
For Lily to gain confidence and self esteem though gymnastics
Lots of planned play dates
Healthy snacks
Learn little chores like making beds and clearing dinner table


I pray for Lily to improve in her swimming skills. Now that the swim instructor isn't coming to East Spring Lake, I need to find someone to teach her. Lord, please guide me in the direction I should go.


In Your son's name I pray,
Amen

Prayers for my children

I want to pray for my children.

Isabel is growing up strong and healthy and happy. I adore her little personality and her growing confidence. The musical boosted her self-esteem and allowed her to meet other kids. Kindergarten in general was a good year for Isabel.


I pray for Isabel's time on the swim team, Lord. That You would build her confidence and her abilities and her desire to be there. I pray for Your power and protection over her while she's in the pool. I pray that she'll learn how to swim--sooner rather than later! I also pray that she and I will be a pleasure and a help to the people around us at the swim team practices. I hope that I can model kindness for her,  and that she'll learn it from me, whatever the circumstances around her.
I pray for Isabel's placement in first grade next year. Lord, You know what she needs, and You already know whose class she's going to be placed in next year. If wherever she ends up isn't the best for her, and You want her elsewhere, alert me and guide me in being her advocate. But of course I pray that You will guide her teachers/administrators to set her name down in the best class (for her). I pray that I can relax in You, that I've prayed about this and can now leave it in Your hands.


Lily is my adorable sack of sugar! Lord, I feel comfortable with the decision to have her do one more year of PreK. I pray for her to be placed with the best teacher for her at the Primrose School of Lassiter, and I pray that the atmosphere and children around her will help her to grow. I long for her to have confidence and to learn kindness towards others. I pray for Lily at gymnastics. She doesn't have the confidence or the will to try some of the moves, and the coach was frustrated with her. I pray for Your power over her while at gymnastics, that You would give her confidence and enthusiasm. I pray that she would learn self-control and obedience to her elders. I also pray for her to learn to swim this summer--despite her obstinence! Lord, help me to guide Lily as she tries new things. Help me to convey that it's ok to "keep messing up" as she says. I thank You that she is healthy and strong and has tremendous potential. Please show me where her gifts are, and to lead her in that direction.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Raising children

Isabel, Lily and I were at the Mountain View Aquatics Center last Friday. It was the last of Isabel's three swim lessons that I'd arranged before swim team was to start on Monday. Of the gaggle of five and six year olds in our subdivision, Isabel is the only one who can't freestyle her way across the pool. I wanted to remedy that.

I took a poolside seat next to another mother, who, like me, has two little girls. Her younger daughter, four-year-old Abby, played with Lily while her older sister was having her swim lesson. Abby could already swim; I fretted over the fact that Lily couldn't yet and wasn't even learning yet. I was concentrating on Isabel for the time being.

Eventually, Abby's big sister got out of the pool, and I saw that she had what looked to be a mild form of cerebral palsy. Her speech was fine, but her arms and legs had minds of their own. I was reminded to count my blessings, and to stop worrying so much.

On the way home in the car, I reminded Lily that her new friend's name was Abby. Isabel said that her sister's name was Hayley. How did you know that, I asked. She talked to us last week, Isabel said. Because of the way she walks.


Apparently, someone at the school arranged for Hayley to teach awareness about her condition to the younger kids. A fantastic idea. And I thought about the confidence of that little girl, being able to do that.

Lord, I am always being surprised. So often things aren't as they seem. I am weak, and I need You desperately. Please make room and time in my schedule for more of You.


In Your son's name I pray,
Amen

Hard to love.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength."

This is so hard because You are not here! And Your answer is: To love me is to love the people around you.


Today I need to buy Isabel some bug antennae and then I need to go to Walmart and buy first aid supplies for the missions trips to Ethiopia and Kenya.

I need to write the last day of the VBS skit from a place of love and service to the church. I need to give Isabel and Lily my time and attention.

I have to write my posts, figure out dinner, clean the house from top to bottom, launder mom and dad's sheets, help out with Isabel's dress rehearsal...

Jesus quotes Isaiah in Mark 7. He says, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding onto the traditions of men."


I pray for humility and grace.

Prayers

Lately my focus is on the circumstances of my life--the kids' activities, my preparations for Isabel's play and the VBS drama, writing posts, getting the damn dinner on the table--that I don't give much thought to "fearing God." The things on my to-do list are real and pressing; God, meanwhile, is silent and invisible. The same old problem. This is from (you guessed it) Isaiah...

Whom have you so dreaded and feared that you have been false to me, and have neither remembered me nor pondered this in your hearts? Is it not because I have long been silent that you do not fear me? I will expose your righteousness and your works, and they will not benefit you. When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain."   Isaiah 57:10-13

When I read Scripture in the morning, God is not silent. He speaks. Well, He communicates. "I am here. I will break into history again. Don't run off into "the far country," as Tim called it in his sermon yesterday. Keep praying. I am listening. When the day comes, you will be glad you stuck with Me."

Lord, my response to that is, as usual, contrition. And disappointment in myself. I'm sorry that I don't consult You in my decisions, or wonder what You would have me do in various situations. 


I want to ask You to be there when Isabel's teachers are placing her in a first grade classroom. Please guide them to put her in the place You think is best for her. If there is a "bad" teacher, steer them away from putting her in that class.  Tara said that people have problems with Mrs. Schnyder. If that's true, and Isabel would be discouraged in that classroom, please don't allow her to be placed there. 


I pray for Mom and Dad's visit this week. I want to be a joy to them, and a help. I pray for You to open my eyes to the needs around me. To contribute to the Because of Kennedy missions trip to Ethiopia and to Tim and Abigail's missions trip to Kenya. First aid kits, shoes.


I pray for my sweet and precious Lily, and that You will show me how to teach her how to manage her emotions. Show me to show her how to diffuse her impulse for meltdowns. Lead me to materials that will help me to impress your wisdom on my children. To talk about You when I sit at home and when I walk along the road, as the Deuteronomy passage says.


I pray for Lee as he navigates work and office politics this week. Strengthen him, and help him to know how much I love him, especially when my parents are in town.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Walking the walk

Isaiah 58:2-9


Day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.  Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high...Share your food with the hungry, provide the poor wanderer with shelter. When you see the naked, clothe him, and do not turn away from your own flesh and blood.


[If you do these things] then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.

All Eyes on You

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  --Deuteronomy 6:5-7 


I've taken my eyes off of You, and that's why I'm so agitated. I'm trying to keep my cool through my own strength, and it's exhausting. 


You say, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."


I am anxious about being judged, not measuring up, the same old thing. Exhausting. To take my mind off of my insecurities, I need somewhere else to focus my attention. 


Here is Justin Roberts' song, All Eyes on You:


The world is unfurled for You
so soft and light so burning bright
so arms that cling so hearts that sing
don't cry now, just rest your eyes
sorrows will fade to stars unmade
and dreams unsung, thy will be done
night time now, all eyes on you
beautiful sight, day into night
dark into light, cuddle up tight
and if you wake, my soul to take
by your sweet grace, time won't erase, this...
All eyes on you
All eyes on you
Your eyes are, so warm and true
so soft and light, so burning bright
so arms that cling makes my heart sing
All eyes on you


I pray that I will be your eyes and hands and presence in the lives of those who need You right now. Amen

My Thoughts, His Thoughts

God seems a million miles away. But that's what always happens when I don't think about Him and just go about my business. It's far more preferable to see and experience life through faith-tinted glasses. But.

Here's part of God's words for me today, from Isaiah 55.

"Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.'"

My mind is full of the little, niggling tasks ahead of me. The morning routine and dropping Lily off, then buying bagels. I have to order Isabel's play costume (butterfly wings) and liase with another mom about it. (Quickly!)  I have to do my iVillage work. I have to clean out the refrigerator, do the laundry, vacuum, make beds. I have to confirm today's play date, and go to it. I have to confirm the last member of the VBS drama team and send out an email to organize our meetings. I have to find costume accessories, and write the sixth day of the skit. I have to drive by Mom and Dad's house, check in, call Dad, who's freaking out. I have to buy a mother's day card. And mail it by tomorrow. Or by today.


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." You can say that again.

Angels

This morning I'm praying psalm 91 on Melissa's behalf.

Here's the part I love:

If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 


I want to believe there are angels. They surround us, guard us, lift us in their hands, though we can't see or feel them. I pray for Melissa, that there are angels with her today in court this morning, as she faces down her lying husband. I pray that the judge will have wisdom, and that he/she will see what's going on.


I pray for peace for Melissa, despite all that's at stake. I pray that she'll feel You walking with her. I hate Your silence and Your invisibility, especially in times like these. But You are a gentle whisper in the wind, and if I listen, I will hear You, and so will Melissa. 


Lord, are the psalmist's words true, or are they just a beautiful poem written in ancient times? I choose to believe that they are true. And despite all the twisting and mangling of Your words by humans, You remain the same. Love. The quiet but powerful spirit of love.


You are near, always. In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Time

Last night, Barack Obama called a dramatic, late-night press conference to make an announcement. Special U.S. forces had located and killed Osama Bin Laden. It's been nearly 10 years since Bin Laden's terrorist agenda brought down the twin towers.

This is incredible. It's justice done, at long last. Yes, I feel a little bit like the Munchkins dancing around Oz, singing, "The witch is dead!" But this seems to be everyone's reaction. This man was our Hitler, and the people he hated was us.

I thought about how history will look back on this. In the schoolbooks, the passage on Bin Laden will note that he was the supreme terrorist leader behind the 9/11 attacks. And the next sentence will say, "Ten years later, U.S. troops hunted him down and killed him." It will read as if it all happened so quickly, when in actuality, it was a long ten years in between--during which most of us stopped thinking about Bin Laden at all. (Except for comedians, who poked fun at Bush at his letting the guy escape.)

Then I thought about how God views history, how with Him one year is like a thousand human ones. He knew that Bin Laden would be killed, that this would be the very next sentence in the history books.

Lord, I'm so restless these days. When it comes to You and how I view my faith, I'm anxious. Rob Bell opened my eyes and gave me some peace. Then at Easter, Lee's parents disputed his claims, dismissively. I'm angry at Janet and at myself for being so... wobbly. I know I don't want to be like her, but I am confused about what angle to take. And I want to stop being angry.


When it comes to how I'm living my life, I'm comfortable in my daily routine, and I'm uneasy about being comfortable.  I don't know which way to go next. I want to do right by my children, and they're growing up so fast. (Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. As a child myself, I used to tense up when I heard that line from the soap opera's opening credits. And now even "Days of our Lives" has been cancelled, the sands have already gone out!) 


I feel so scheduled, and also like I'm not getting anything of value done. Or rather, I'm getting some things done, but not as well as I'd like to do them. 


I've run out of time to write this post. I pray that You would help me to look outside of myself. Concentrate on others. How can I be of help?


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen