Absolutely certainly all right

As always, My Utmost For His Highest gives me good guidance today.


The passage Chambers riffs off of is in Mark 6, when Jesus Christ walks on water, and Peter attempts to do so as well. Here Chambers speaks about our goals and our imagined purpose. What are my goals? To be a successful writer, to write a book, to earn a living through my writing, to figure out a career path sooner rather than later.


But here is God's purpose for me, according to Chambers:
to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. What he desires is that I see "him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, no goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea." (6:49) 


Having the absolute certainty that everything is all right. That my lack of progress is absolutely, certainly all right, because all I have to do is be obedient to Him. Don't over think it. But what does being obedient to him look like? I can still ponder what I'd like to do next, but I won't panic about it, because I see "Him walking on the sea." 


We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.


God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realized that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

Questions

On Sacred Space today, some questions...


I imagine the Father and the Son deciding to come to me. Why do they do this? Because I'm their child, their creation, created in their image. Because they care deeply about what's going on for me and how they can use me for their benevolent purposes. As I type the words, little pinpricks of doubt pester me. Is this all in my head? I put off these thoughts. I am choosing to believe. 




What do they think and say about me as they travel? I imagine how I feel and think about Isabel and Lily. They love me that much. More. 




What gifts do they choose for me? What do they find when they arrive? I don't know what gifts God would give me. Hasn't he already given me everything I have? My husband, my children, my family, my health, my beautiful home, my beautiful life. When they arrive they find me, restless, anxious, wanting to believe but lazy about conditioning my mind. But well-intentioned.


I am the focus of a great love. The Spirit of divine love comes to abide in me. Does the Spirit find a warm welcome in me or do I ignore my guest? I imagine that I do ignore the Spirit, as I plan the girls' activities and the gift cards for Lily's teacher and the School's Out for Summer Party and the Arf costume and dinner and work. 


Am I a good pupil who wants to learn? I am not a good pupil, but I do want to learn. 


What is the Spirit teaching me right now in this period of prayer? I want to be more proactive, to listen and to act on God's words. I pray for help in this even as my mind wanders to the next thing. I pray for my husband today at work, for protection over my darling children. I am grateful.

Willing myself to believe

So I read this article in the New York Times, and I think that the author more or less got it right. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/29/books/review/when-god-talks-back-by-tm-luhrmann.html?pagewanted=all

"Evangelical churches brainwash believers. They change the way their members’ brains work. But T. M. Luhrmann, a psychological anthropologist at Stanford, argues that this is not as insidious as it sounds. On the contrary, mental conditioning has a noble lineage in the history of religion, and even (or especially) in this modern age, it can help humans flourish."

She's a little more blunt about it than I would have been, but I do think our overall goal is to condition our minds to be able to "hear" God. It's one of those secular-minded articles that casts Christians as a little deluded, and the idea of psychologically training yourself to believe is downright cold. And yet I do think she got the crux of it right. I DO have to train myself to believe.

Lord, I'm writing to you now. I want to train myself to hear you. I must choose to believe: do I find this to be a noble endeavor with value that has been discovered by many people throughout the ages? I do.

Today's passage from Sacred Space: 

Philip said to him, ‘Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, “Show us the Father”? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.

The idea of spiritual conditioning, like exercising muscles, is a good one, but it doesn't mention the blessed result: supernatural communication and feeling. I can exercise all I want, and I can become "good" at believing, but God is the one who is reaching out to me. If I am wanting to do exercises to hear him, it's because he is drawing me in. 

I pray that you would help me in my restlessness. I have much to do, and the sands of the hourglass keep dropping! I pray for Lee today, as he boards a plane for Massachusetts. I pray for him that he will take care of himself. I pray that you would show me the way to go today.

In your son's precious name I pray,

Amen

Here is something interesting from Sacred Space today:

Everything is somehow in touch with everything else. And everyone is linked with everyone else, past, present and future. This means that only when the last of us has been gathered in will we know the full story of the human race. Think of history as being a bit like a cosmic joke: while you’re telling a joke, people are puzzled. They wonder how the story is going to work out. Only with the punch line do they get the point and laugh.’

So with the human story: we must be patient. God indeed exists, but so also does dreadful evil. God works within what is bad to bring good out of it. We see this in the Passion with the eyes of faith. What was the worst of Fridays becomes Good Friday only because of the love involved. This love cuts across the downward spiral of evil, sin and death and it opens up to us God’s world, a new world of freedom and love. At the end we will see how love has transformed all the sorrow and pain and tragedy of our story. Only then will the laughter begin, laughter of the purest and most liberating kind. This laughter will be led by the three divine Persons who always intended that things would end well and who laboured mightily to bring this about. ‘Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh’ (Luke 6:21).

I am attracted to the idea that what I see is only part of the story. I was listening to RadioLab one day last week, and the secular hosts were discussing some lost scrolls of Scripture in which Jesus tells people that Heaven is all around them; they just can't see it. This isn't in the Bible, but it doesn't conflict with it either. 

Today I read the passage in John 12 when Jesus tells people that he is the light of the world. 

"I have come as light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me should not remain in the darkness."

I am so resistant to quiet times, and yet they are the source of strength and peace and calm. Lord, I pray that you would speak to me anyway. 

I feel like I have so much to do and don't know where to start. I feel like I'm failing. I could be doing so much more. I feel restless. Will I never write a book? 

I can relax in you, in seeking you. Because if I seek you, then you'll guide me in what you want me to do. Which is the thing I need to do. 

I pray for Jen Moulton, and her daughter Hannah.

I pray for Jen Barnas and her family as they prepare to move.

I pray for Lee in advance of his trip to Massachusetts, that he'll have safe travels.

I pray for protection over my children, and for our decision to put Isabel in the Kumon tutoring program. I pray that she would accept it and not resist too much, and that you would give me the strength to support her and encourage her. I pray for Lily, sweet girl, that she will grow in confidence and faith in you. I pray that you would show me how to help them grow in faith in you.

I pray for Sara, that she and Andy will get married. I pray for her faith in you as well.

I pray for the children I'll help today at Roswell North Elementary: Siclolly, Joanna, Imani, Marlen, Quatari, Anthony, Sigi, DJ, Henry, Jamie Lynn, Jamie, and Leslie. I ask that you'll show me how to help them, who exactly am I there for and how should I help? I am making myself available and letting you use me where you need me.

I pray that I would see Heaven around me.

In your son's precious name I pray,

Amen