I am really hurting over not having a quiet time with You in the morning. You know it, and I know it. I stop believing, and start letting the dreariness and disappointments of the world get to me.
I want to pray to You and ask You to make my morning quiet time possible again. But even as I pray it, I think about the fact that I've prayed for other things and nothing happened. When I am not in an early morning routine, spending time with You, this is where my mind goes.
I pray for it anyway. How can I get my quiet time back? It seems impossible right now. Can You make it possible? Lee doesn't seem willing to wake up earlier and take care of Lily in the morning. And if I'm being honest, I know that I wouldn't be willing to stay up late to take over one of his chores. So I'm stuck, waking up at 6:30 and not having a free moment to myself until 8:30.
I could start my iVillage work at 10 am. I could dedicate 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m. to quiet time. This will be a hard habit to start, because I like getting things done early, and because there are so many things to tempt me away from You between 9 am and 10 am. I could commit to doing it...
Monday, 10/24: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Tuesday, 10/25: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Wednesday, 10/26: none because of bible study
Thursday, 10/27: 9 a.m. - 9:45 a.m.
Friday, 10/28: none because of Isabel's class party
I am convicted today to try to avoid things like gossip and TV shows that fill my head with thoughts that bring me down. Please forgive me for the gossiping I've already done today. Please guard my mouth today at Michele's house.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Rest
Lord,
As you know, I'm struggling lately with believing. I've put deadlines on prayers, which I thought you'd prompted me to do, and...nothing. I've had several prayers answered this year, of course. But nothing that definitively told me that YES you exist. I'm still typing into a chasm. And now that my schedule isn't accommodating You (driving both kids to school has taken away my A.M. quiet time), I just continue to drift.
I talked to Sara last night, and hearing the horror stories and the desperation in her voice, I want somewhere to turn. I know that I can turn to You, even when I'm not sure that You exist. It sure would be more comforting if I was convinced that You exist, but there it is. What I have is: 1) Many people believe. 2) The Bible is real, the actual pages and words and work put into it, and generations of millions have followed it. Tens of thousands have studied it since it was written, and it has not been debunked. It may not be proven to be true, but it hasn't been proven to be fiction, either. Those who consider it irrelevent don't have another suggestion or explanation for why we're here. 3) I myself have derived comfort from You.
Talking to Sara was very upsetting. I think I'll just present the circumstances to You. Leave them with You, who is all good, all loving, all healing.
There's the guy who showed up for the match.com date and sighed, obviously disappointed that Sara was not as pretty as her profile picture.
There's the guy who casually told her that he had another match.com date this week, and then sent a text to his friend that said, "No, I wish. Another girl, Sara."
There's the skinny, bald 40-year-old who lives in a garage crawling with ants and no light, and who is the only man who's expressed interest.
Lord, You are there. You are there? I'm going to go with the fact that You are there. You see these situations that Sara slogs through. You see how helpless she feels, how desperate.
I would like to give these situations to You. You take them and dispose of them, and fill her up with light and love instead. Take them away and replace them with light, and love, and hope. This sounds like I am ordering You around, the creator of the universe. How much easier it is to do that when I only half believe!
No, I am going to CHOOSE to believe. You say, Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Sara needs your rest!
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
As you know, I'm struggling lately with believing. I've put deadlines on prayers, which I thought you'd prompted me to do, and...nothing. I've had several prayers answered this year, of course. But nothing that definitively told me that YES you exist. I'm still typing into a chasm. And now that my schedule isn't accommodating You (driving both kids to school has taken away my A.M. quiet time), I just continue to drift.
I talked to Sara last night, and hearing the horror stories and the desperation in her voice, I want somewhere to turn. I know that I can turn to You, even when I'm not sure that You exist. It sure would be more comforting if I was convinced that You exist, but there it is. What I have is: 1) Many people believe. 2) The Bible is real, the actual pages and words and work put into it, and generations of millions have followed it. Tens of thousands have studied it since it was written, and it has not been debunked. It may not be proven to be true, but it hasn't been proven to be fiction, either. Those who consider it irrelevent don't have another suggestion or explanation for why we're here. 3) I myself have derived comfort from You.
Talking to Sara was very upsetting. I think I'll just present the circumstances to You. Leave them with You, who is all good, all loving, all healing.
There's the guy who showed up for the match.com date and sighed, obviously disappointed that Sara was not as pretty as her profile picture.
There's the guy who casually told her that he had another match.com date this week, and then sent a text to his friend that said, "No, I wish. Another girl, Sara."
There's the skinny, bald 40-year-old who lives in a garage crawling with ants and no light, and who is the only man who's expressed interest.
Lord, You are there. You are there? I'm going to go with the fact that You are there. You see these situations that Sara slogs through. You see how helpless she feels, how desperate.
I would like to give these situations to You. You take them and dispose of them, and fill her up with light and love instead. Take them away and replace them with light, and love, and hope. This sounds like I am ordering You around, the creator of the universe. How much easier it is to do that when I only half believe!
No, I am going to CHOOSE to believe. You say, Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Sara needs your rest!
In Your son's name I pray.
Amen
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