My Monday night bible study group is studying Jehoshaphat this week. He was a king who prayed to the Lord before what seemed an impossible battle. The Lord's response: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm, and see the deliverance the Lord will give you."
I fight through my initial doubt. The prophecy was rendered when "the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel son of Zechariah, a Levite." Why should I trust this account? I have no way of knowing whether it's real or not. What do I know? That I only need to go along, believe and look for signs of God around me. I only need to let God show me that he is real, and that scripture is true.
What battles are ahead of me? I feel a sense of unrest about what I'm supposed to be doing with my writing. Still at sea. Waiting on God? Or just putting it off? Is it sloth, or am I legitimately protecting myself from becoming overwhelmed with too much to do? Lord, my motives aren't pure, and yet you love me and have a plan in mind for me. Please guide me there. What next?
Kumon. This is a math drilling tutoring program. We had a backyard grill-out on Saturday night, and one of the couples, Ed and Robin, talked about Kumon. Lee wants Isabel and Lily to do it. It's expensive. It's tedious, boring, repetitive. I will have to be the one who implements it. And yet the benefits are indisputable. The children would be GREAT at math, a very important life skill.
Lee wants the children to do it, but he will let it fall away. He knows it's very expensive, and that will contribute to his passivity. The Kumon program will only happen if I make it happen.
Lord, I ask you: Should we go ahead with this? Is it right for our kids? Is it worth the money? I will look around me for signs of your answer.
You are infinite, powerful, holy, loving. You are the center of everything. I look to you.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven(A) and earth.(B)
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Belief
Here is Jesus talking: "My Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life." (John 6:40)
Here's some commentary from Sacred Space: "The evidence for Jesus’ resurrection is persuasive but not overwhelming. It can neither be proved nor disproved scientifically...The disciples had a personal decision to make, like jurors faced with a limited amount of evidence in a trial. Their reasons for their belief were, at least to themselves, compelling, and were vindicated over and over by what happened when they lived out their belief."
Lord,
Yesterday I prayed for some guidance with the kids at Roswell North Elementary, and I did have a better day. Having prayed about it, I was able to look around and see if you were present, if you were guiding me. I feel better about this commitment now. I had vacillated over my decision to pawn Lily off on Marina's mother, who had to go back to the school to pick her up, so that I could fulfill my volunteer responsibilities. But everything worked out fine.
You are more than just present. You are the source of all love, of all sweetness. I was reading in Lauren Winner's book all the quotes from saints about your being "sweet." I call Isabel and Lily "sweet pea" and "sweet girl," because this is what they are to me. The passages reminded me that "sweet" is a God thing. Sweetness comes from you.
You are also the Presider Over Everything, which is an idea too profound for me to understand. Decay fades, and regeneration begins, through your power. Your will is that I would live forever, that we would all live forever, together, in your image of goodness. I will live forever, my soul anyway, because I believe in Your son. And you are drawing me, invisibly, gently, to become more like Him.
"The graced side of Christian history shows that for those who truly accept that Jesus is risen, everything is changed and made new. Hope replaces cynicism and despair. The sadness of existence begins to throb with divine mystery," says the Sacred Space commentary.
I pray that my existence will throb with divine mystery. I pray for your protection over my family today.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
Here's some commentary from Sacred Space: "The evidence for Jesus’ resurrection is persuasive but not overwhelming. It can neither be proved nor disproved scientifically...The disciples had a personal decision to make, like jurors faced with a limited amount of evidence in a trial. Their reasons for their belief were, at least to themselves, compelling, and were vindicated over and over by what happened when they lived out their belief."
Lord,
Yesterday I prayed for some guidance with the kids at Roswell North Elementary, and I did have a better day. Having prayed about it, I was able to look around and see if you were present, if you were guiding me. I feel better about this commitment now. I had vacillated over my decision to pawn Lily off on Marina's mother, who had to go back to the school to pick her up, so that I could fulfill my volunteer responsibilities. But everything worked out fine.
You are more than just present. You are the source of all love, of all sweetness. I was reading in Lauren Winner's book all the quotes from saints about your being "sweet." I call Isabel and Lily "sweet pea" and "sweet girl," because this is what they are to me. The passages reminded me that "sweet" is a God thing. Sweetness comes from you.
You are also the Presider Over Everything, which is an idea too profound for me to understand. Decay fades, and regeneration begins, through your power. Your will is that I would live forever, that we would all live forever, together, in your image of goodness. I will live forever, my soul anyway, because I believe in Your son. And you are drawing me, invisibly, gently, to become more like Him.
"The graced side of Christian history shows that for those who truly accept that Jesus is risen, everything is changed and made new. Hope replaces cynicism and despair. The sadness of existence begins to throb with divine mystery," says the Sacred Space commentary.
I pray that my existence will throb with divine mystery. I pray for your protection over my family today.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Busyness and Children
Today I was on iVillage, reading over one of my posts, when I clicked on the post of another iVillage blogger--a political one who writes in the first person and expresses opinions. (My own writing for the site is generic and never in the first person.) I clicked on her name and found that she has two of her own professional blogs, PunditMom and The Broad Side. On PunditMom she provides links to all the sites where she is a contracted blogger, including iVillage and babble and a few others.
The array of articles, of sheer written output, is staggering. AND she's a lawyer. AND she has a 12-year-old daughter. I am struck by the same old impulse to look at someone else's accomplishments and wonder what do I do with my own time? This is a trap, of course.
I then went to sacred space.com, with it's daily prayer. Here is what I found:
"Be still and know that I am God."
Lord, Your words lead us to the
calmness and greatness of Your Presence.
Lord, YOUR words lead me to the calmness and greatness of Your presence.
In the next screen, it said:
"Leave me here freely all alone
In cell where never sunlight shone
Should no one ever speak to me
This golden silence makes me free"
(part of a poem written by a prisoner at Dachau concentration camp)
Yesterday I typed out my distress over Lily's teeth. I felt better after passing this on to You. I felt like I could say, "Whatever happens, I know I prayed about it." Now I thank you for the tooth's unexpected stay of execution. The dentist just filled the cavity.
Today I have another issue to pour out before you. It's Wednesday, which means I'll be going to Roswell North Elementary to help out again. Lord, so far I haven't found my purpose there. I can wait it out of course, and I know that these things take time. I just want it here, on the prayer record, that I am a well-meaning sinner seeking your guidance. Is there someone there you have for me to help? Do I need to be more proactive or just keep making myself available until something happens?
Here are some names of the children. I'll type them here before you...
Siclolly
Johanna
Leslie
Jamie
Jamie Lynn
Imani
DJ
Anthony
Ernest
Henry
Quatari
Who needs help and how? Will you lead me in the right direction? I pray for all of them right now, for each one to learn and grow and fulfill their potential. While I'm at it, I pray for my own children, Isabel and Lily. Lord, I pray for them to learn, learn, learn. And I pray that they will come to know You.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
The array of articles, of sheer written output, is staggering. AND she's a lawyer. AND she has a 12-year-old daughter. I am struck by the same old impulse to look at someone else's accomplishments and wonder what do I do with my own time? This is a trap, of course.
I then went to sacred space.com, with it's daily prayer. Here is what I found:
"Be still and know that I am God."
Lord, Your words lead us to the
calmness and greatness of Your Presence.
Lord, YOUR words lead me to the calmness and greatness of Your presence.
In the next screen, it said:
"Leave me here freely all alone
In cell where never sunlight shone
Should no one ever speak to me
This golden silence makes me free"
(part of a poem written by a prisoner at Dachau concentration camp)
Yesterday I typed out my distress over Lily's teeth. I felt better after passing this on to You. I felt like I could say, "Whatever happens, I know I prayed about it." Now I thank you for the tooth's unexpected stay of execution. The dentist just filled the cavity.
Today I have another issue to pour out before you. It's Wednesday, which means I'll be going to Roswell North Elementary to help out again. Lord, so far I haven't found my purpose there. I can wait it out of course, and I know that these things take time. I just want it here, on the prayer record, that I am a well-meaning sinner seeking your guidance. Is there someone there you have for me to help? Do I need to be more proactive or just keep making myself available until something happens?
Here are some names of the children. I'll type them here before you...
Siclolly
Johanna
Leslie
Jamie
Jamie Lynn
Imani
DJ
Anthony
Ernest
Henry
Quatari
Who needs help and how? Will you lead me in the right direction? I pray for all of them right now, for each one to learn and grow and fulfill their potential. While I'm at it, I pray for my own children, Isabel and Lily. Lord, I pray for them to learn, learn, learn. And I pray that they will come to know You.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
teeth
At the dentist yesterday, Isabel had no cavities and Lily had eight. Her front tooth is infected and must be pulled. I love my Lilybug. I don't want them to pull her front tooth. "She's going to look like a hillbilly for the next two years!" said Lee. I agree. I'd rather the dentist not pull it, and I hate that she has to go through the procedure, as common as it may be.
Lord, this is so small. And yet my mother's love and compassion for her is so big, bigger than most anything. I pray that I will be a comfort to her, and that the dentist will act as conservatively as possible. It's such a small thing to worry about! There are so many problems in the world--this is minor.
Lord, please speak to me.
Lord, this is so small. And yet my mother's love and compassion for her is so big, bigger than most anything. I pray that I will be a comfort to her, and that the dentist will act as conservatively as possible. It's such a small thing to worry about! There are so many problems in the world--this is minor.
Lord, please speak to me.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
All Day Long
Today I read Psalm 24:4-5.
Show me your ways, oh Lord.
Teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
I am so resistant to quiet time today. Lord, yesterday's blog was about you being in control of my spiritual progress, not me. The wind blows where it will.
I want my hope to be in you all day long. Today...
Tutoring the low-income kids at Roswell North Elementary. I pray that you would use me where you see fit. Is there a particular child that needs my attention? I will make myself available and let you do the rest. (Ha--I mean I will TRY to let you do the rest.)
Picking the kids up from Renee's. Keep gossip from my lips. Every day is a new day to start again. I want to build people up, not tear them down.
Mom and Dad are in Paris, probably jet-lagged and feeling like...foreigners. I pray for their safe-keeping.
I am confused about what to do with my writing. What would you have me do next? Here is where "the wind blowing where it will" gets me tripped up. I have to do something. But what? VBS scripts? A book? Magazine essays? I am so grateful for my daily blogging job, which pays some bills while I figure this out.
Lord, I pray for those in need of physical healing. They are on my heart today.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
Show me your ways, oh Lord.
Teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
I am so resistant to quiet time today. Lord, yesterday's blog was about you being in control of my spiritual progress, not me. The wind blows where it will.
I want my hope to be in you all day long. Today...
Tutoring the low-income kids at Roswell North Elementary. I pray that you would use me where you see fit. Is there a particular child that needs my attention? I will make myself available and let you do the rest. (Ha--I mean I will TRY to let you do the rest.)
Picking the kids up from Renee's. Keep gossip from my lips. Every day is a new day to start again. I want to build people up, not tear them down.
Mom and Dad are in Paris, probably jet-lagged and feeling like...foreigners. I pray for their safe-keeping.
I am confused about what to do with my writing. What would you have me do next? Here is where "the wind blowing where it will" gets me tripped up. I have to do something. But what? VBS scripts? A book? Magazine essays? I am so grateful for my daily blogging job, which pays some bills while I figure this out.
Lord, I pray for those in need of physical healing. They are on my heart today.
In your son's name I pray,
Amen
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Wind
In John 3:8, Jesus tells Nicodemus, "The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."
I can feel the wind, see the effects of it blowing the trees, but I can't see it or control it. There's a divine dimension that pervades my life. I can't see You, I can't control You, but that doesn't mean You're not here, loving me.
John 3:8 focuses on that familiar biblical theme: All our striving, all this trying so hard, is misguided. We're supposed to let You carry our burdens. Trust You, and let You change us.
I can feel the wind, see the effects of it blowing the trees, but I can't see it or control it. There's a divine dimension that pervades my life. I can't see You, I can't control You, but that doesn't mean You're not here, loving me.
John 3:8 focuses on that familiar biblical theme: All our striving, all this trying so hard, is misguided. We're supposed to let You carry our burdens. Trust You, and let You change us.
"The Holy Spirit is irresistible and infallibly effective in his regenerating work," says the Desiring God bible commentary. "Which doesn’t mean that we don’t resist him. We do. But God can overcome the rebellion and resistance of our wills. He can make Christ look so compelling that our resistance is broken and we freely come to him and believe him."
In her book, Stepping Heavenward, Elizabeth Prentiss talks about the fact that even our sanctification is Christ's job to do. This was more or less new to me. It seems to contradict that Phillippians passage about working out your salvation with fear and trembling. But I'm learning more and more about this...
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