What does Revelation have to do with me?

This week's BSF focuses on the grand, sweeping horror and joy of Revelation times. It seems utterly distant from my life. It vaguely frightens me. The images are heart-stopping; on the other hand, I can just close the Bible and go back to reality. Could the words of Revelation be reality? It seems unlikely. But other words in the Bible--anything related to Jesus--ring true. How could this book be nestled right in there at the end?

From the BSF homework questions: "How does the defeat of death help you to live fearlessly today and to face the reality that you will someday die?" I'm worrying about kindergarten entrance age and Cyber Monday shopping, and this is asking me about facing the reality that I will someday die? Lord, You are here with me. What are You teaching me right now? I keep thinking about broadening my focus, seeing a bigger picture. I am caught up in the details--housecleaning, Christmas preparations, getting my dang post done. How do I look beyond all this? I get through "one day at a time," and "one hour at a time." I long to have a bigger plan. 


I long to have more meaningful work, to write about You. What should my next step be? Am I meant to go on waiting? I'm going to go on waiting. I second-guess myself at every turn. 


I pray for Sara that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. I am both hopeful and losing hope about this. But maybe that's just because I went so many days without praying. I'm going to disregard my own feelings and continue to ask for this.


Amen

Tired and Rushed But Still Here!

Isaiah 24: 16b-23

It's all about God's final punishment in the millenial days to come. "The earth reels like a drunkard, it sways like a hut in the wind; so heavy upon it is the guilt of its rebellion that it falls--never to rise again."

I know that I will be protected. But I am also heavy with guilt and rebellion, and I know that I don't deserve God's grace.

Lord, I'm asking now, what is it You have for me to do? Is there a child we're meant to adopt? I am going to let You tell me. Uncle Jay said, "He'll let you know." It's possible (probable?) that this is just a passing fancy, a manifestation of my feelings about my girls growing up so fast. Do I just want to hold onto another baby? Or are You preparing me to use my desire and ability to mother a child who needs it?


I have many people to pray for and no time to do it. I'm tired, with a lot to do. Please stay with me. Talk to me this day. I'm going to try to listen.


I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


Amen

Attempted Post

From the BSF notes: "God is close, powerful, and aware, not only of His historic people of Judah, but of all people of the world."

I've gone three days without prayer. But I am reading our latest book for Next Generation Mentoring. It's called Classic Christianity. The author's basic premise is that the gospel has two parts, and that most Christians are missing the second part. The first part is that God has forgiven us through Jesus' death on the cross. The second part is that we now have access to the Holy Spirit, which leads us to live God-directed lives.

The author points out that while He was on earth, Jesus was human. But He was so in tune with the Father through the Spirit, that He had God's power. The author cited several passages in which Jesus explained that He was doing His Father's will, that He could do nothing apart from the Father, and that the Father was in Him. Then the author exhorted readers to claim that same power for ourselves.

Unfortunately, he ended there, without giving any concrete examples of how to do this!

I have to go--I'll write more later!

Answered Prayer #2

Isaiah 24:1-6 describes the devastating times of the tribulation. The BSF questions ask: "How do you know this is certain?" I don't know it's certain. I don't know anything for certain. That's why I'm working to renew my mind each day, reading Scripture and praying. I'm trying to carry on a conversation with God, asking for things that are within His will, and then expecting them to be given to me. In this way, I am working on being certain.

Answered prayer number two came yesterday. Lee met with the financial advisor, and really liked him. He said he was a "cool guy, totally legit" and not an annoying Christian, either. Lee is on board with this guy's budgeting plan and wants to hire him to be our family CFO. This is wonderful. It could have gone south so easily. The guy could have been a nerd or a jerk. Lee could have had a bad feeling about him. But the opposite happened. Lee liked him. Answered prayer.

Lord, You know that I am skeptical about what exactly an answered prayer is. I prayed for Lee's meeting with the financial advisor to be a positive experience, and it was. I am grateful for that. Now I pray that Lee will follow through, sign up with this guy, meet with him again. I pray that Lee will open a local bank account. And I pray especially for us when we sit down and work out the nitty gritty stuff of the budget. I feel much more secure knowing that Lee is hiring a CFO!


Lord, Lily is on my heart. I pray for her to grow in confidence and kindness. I pray that she will know Your love for her. I pray that I will make the right decision about when to send her to kindergarten. I pray that she will learn the social skills that put people at ease and attract friends. I pray these things, just as I've prayed for them for Isabel.


Lord, Lee. Thank you for easing the tension between us. It's been a good week. I don't like getting less sleep, but it's not that much less, and I love it when he's back to his old self--gentle and kind. I pray for You to intervene in his sleep issues, whether that means healing them naturally or securing the right medicine. I pray for this expectantly.


I pray for Sara to have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. 


Amen

The BSF notes ask this question: Is God the foundation of your hope and the strength of your life? Omartian's book says: When you have Jesus as ruler of your life, you will come to know Him as the one "who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (Ephesians 3:20). And: God wants us to understand "what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe."

Lord, I don't experience Your power because I play it safe. I want to "step out in faith," as the saying goes. But what does that mean for me? How, exactly? Any Christian who isn't a hero is a pig. I want to be a real Christian, emptied of myself and filled with You. I don't want to be a pig! What does "stepping out in faith" mean for me? Should we be looking into fostering/adopting? Should I be putting more effort into Christian writing? Praying for what to write? I do pray right now, I ask You for what You would have me write/do. Scripture says over and over that You communicate with me. But how do I know which thoughts are just my thoughts? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."


I pray for Lee's meeting with the financial advisor today. I pray that we will learn how to "honor the Lord with our wealth." This is still so hard. Lord, wealth to me is security. I pray that You will show me that You are my security. How, exactly? What should my next steps be?


I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. I pray for these things expectantly. Am I testing You? Yes, but You invited me to. I need to know that You hear me. "Before they ask, I will answer them. While they are still speaking, I will hear them." I am still just hanging on by faith that You hear me. I am hanging on, Lord.


Please show me what to do about Lily's schooling. Please show me how to take care of Lee. Please protect my children today.


Amen

From the BSF notes today:
During Isaiah's time, "God was quietly looking on from His dwelling place, watching His purposes for the nations unfold. Have you wondered how your frenzied activities and desperate alliances look to God as He views them from His dwelling place? God spoke to His people through His prophets often to reawaken them to His intense interest in their lives...God is close, powerful, and aware, not only of His historic people, but of all people of the world."

Lord, You are close, powerful, aware--and intensely interested in my life. You answered my prayer for a church in an unexpected way. You have heard my other prayers, and You are delighted to answer them, too, in Your own way.


I keep taking the Lily-school decision back. Will You guide me in this, and then give me peace about it? You know how much I love her. Remind me please that You love her even more. I pray for Your hand in this--less of me, more of You. I pray for protection over both my children. Please watch over them, and guide them to desire You. Please make that the desire of their hearts, and then grant their desire. 


Things are better with Lee as I give him more of my time. I can see You making big changes in His life, and I am needed--I'm a key player--to make that happen. Keep working on my heart please! Putting my own needs aside is still so hard for me. Please continue to show me how, in serving him, I am bringing Your blessing on me, too. A strong Lee is what I need to grow stronger myself. From the BSF notes: "The scope of God's purpose is as inclusive as the entire universe and as specific as each individual and family."

I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. I pray for this day, that You will fill me with Your spirit so that I can move into whatever it is You have for me to do. What do You have for me to do? I foresee only post-writing, house-cleaning, child-caring. Fill me with Your spirit, so I can see beyond that stuff!


Amen

Answered Prayer

What are the chances that we'd find a church where Lee's old acquaintance was just hired to be head pastor? And that that church is about a ten minute drive to our house, and has friendly people, and a contemporary service and other kids from Tritt?

Yesterday we visited church number 10. We had very low expectations, considering the inability of churches 1-9 to meet our specific needs. I was willing to settle, had in fact already tried to settle on Mt. Bethel. But after a few weeks, Lee recoiled from that place, refused to go back. So we tried one more new one, church number 10, East Minster Presbyterian. And learned that Tim O'Connell, Lee's old roommate in Baltimore (over ten years ago), is coming to be head pastor in six weeks. Lee was over the moon.

"God must be laughing his head off right now," he said. "This is why He was waiting to show us our church. I kept saying, 'I know God wouldn't bring us down here just to drop us off.'"

Lord, my stubborn heart. I want to believe that You are in this, that this is answered prayer. It is a crazy coincidence, right? And the timing is interesting--that this pastor would show up now, while we're still looking for a church. And it's close by, and the people are friendly. And of course it would be within Your will that You'd answer my prayer about finding a church. I did pray for it--I can scroll back in this blog and find posts when I asked.  


I feel relieved and grateful that we've found a good fit. I feel hopeful that Lee will get more involved at church, join a men's group, make Christian friends. Lord, this is my prayer. Is this what You're doing? Reaching out to Lee, pulling him toward You? So many of my own prayers would be answered, needs would be met, through Your reaching out to Lee. I married a Christian man, and this is one of the wonderful benefits--that he is open to You working in his life. 


Once again, I find that this is about Lee primarily, and through Your work in him You are working in me. He needs to be the strong, spiritual head of our household in order for me to thrive spiritually. We're meant to do great things together as a couple, as a family. I've been feeling stymied by Lee's spiritual rut. But of course You have the power to change everything, and I'm supposed to pray with expectation that You hear. "Before they ask, I will answer. While they are still speaking, I will hear." I pray for Lee's spiritual strengthening. I will continue to obey You through this morning discipline of prayer and bible study. I'll watch and wait to see how You move in Lee and in me.


I pray for Sara to have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


Amen

To Do

Lord, I am scattered today and rushed. Please focus me on You. The BSF reading was Isaiah 14-1-8. More of Your sovereignty, wrath toward's Your peoples' enemies, and the general sense that everything is being orchestrated by You. Your over-arching goal: bringing Your people back to You.


I need bringing back today. I am falling into a rut. I want to focus on You. I know that You are God. It is You who made me and I am Yours (Psalm 100). My life doesn't feel magical, supernatural. It feels like a giant to-do list. 


To do:
Order vacuum cleaner bags, book cleaning service for Christmas, finish and mail passport application, begin Parents article revise, wash bedsheets, clean the basement, look after Lily, and various other tasks that will pop up as the day progresses. Where are You in all of this?


I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


Amen

Overcoming Evil With Good

Here's how God is communicating with me today: The BSF questions sent me to Romans 12:17-21. 


"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."


I'm not sure how this applies to what I'm sorting out in prayer right now. But I've been told that the Bible is a living text, that God speaks through it. And Romans 12:17-21 is where He's brought me today. 


Those verses imply a strength in character--a kind-heartedness which is not passive, but which is robust enough to overcome evil. Where is there evil around me? The tension in my marriage. The oppressiveness of financial issues. The ever-advancing procession of work deadlines, a new one each morning. My ailing teeth and the outrageous cost of fixing them! Children acting defiant. Housework.


"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." And based on what God's been teaching me over the last few weeks, the "good" comes from God's power, not mine. Obey Him in my marriage, and He will help. What does that look like? How exactly? Lord, please show me. Trust Him with my finances, and He will give me peace. "Do everything [including my iVillage job] without grumbling or arguing." (Phillipians 2:14)


Lord, I need You. I need to remember who You are--in charge of everything and in love with me. I'm waiting on You to give me the work You have for me to do. 


You know that my way of handling ailing relationships is to just let them slide away. It's my pattern, my means of self-preservation. But that's not an option in my marriage. I want to step up and "overcome evil with good." I love Lee, my best friend. He is kind and funny and loyal, and we have so much in common. He is a wonderful father and a gentle soul. That's just what I wanted in a husband! I am so grateful for him. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. I pray for You to intervene in his life. He needs to be healthier. I want him to cut out alcohol, leave the TV, tap back into his creative pursuits. I pray that he'll continue to flourish at work. I pray for his meeting today with the financial counselor. Make me into the wife he needs.


I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. I'm feeling like it's not going to happen. I'm going to push that thought aside, and just trust You. You are my sovereign God, all-powerful and entirely benevolent. You love me despite my myriad faults. You are in charge. Who am I to question You? Where was I when You created the heavens and the earth? You've said in Scripture that You will grant anything I ask in Your name. Sara's spiritual awakening is in line with Your will. How could it not be? So I'm leaving that to You.


I pray for an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. Amen

Worry

I continue to worry about what to do with Lily's schooling. I have given the decision to God, and I keep taking it back. I had nearly made up my mind to hold her back after talking to a mother of a child in Lily's class who did it. But then I spoke to two other mothers (who aren't in this predicament) who didn't see the need to hold her. And the para pro in Isabel's classroom said that if Lily was ready academically, I shouldn't hold her. And of course there's the money--it will cost $3000 to keep her in pre K another year. But what really bothers me is the fact that I would be defying the standard age cut-off, imposing my own ideas about when Lily should start school. Who am I to do that?

Today the BSF homework sent me to Genesis 11:1-9, the story of the prideful and self-sufficient people of Babel. They built a tower to the heavens "so that we may make a name for ourselves." The BSF question: What type of attitude does Babylon signify? When and where in yourself do you have to look out for this type of attitude?

When I try to be self-sufficient, I end up frustrated and worried. Lord, please make this decision about Lily's schooling for me. I will try to stop thinking about it, but simply look for Your wisdom in this. Put the right answer in my head, and then please give me peace about it.


I pray for Lee, and for our relationship. He meets with the financial advisor tomorrow. I pray for Your help through this advisor. I pray for our Date Night on Saturday. Maybe through the homework questions I could get to the bottom of what I need to change. Mostly, I need You to change my heart towards him. I get so disappointed in the impassive way he often treats me that I lose sight of You and the fact that I'm ministering to him. 


I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. Amen

Changing My Thinking

"Surely God is my salvation," writes Isaiah in Chapter 12. "I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song."

An old editor acquaintance from Cosmo emailed to inquire who I was writing for these days, and whether I'd like an assignment. I replied yes and waited to hear back. Yesterday I got an email from her: "Jen, thanks so much for getting back to me.  We’ll keep you in mind, but unfortunately since you’re writing for Women’s Health a bunch (which is great and makes sense since the editors over there are the reason we used you at Cosmo!), it’s not likely we could use you since they’re a competitor.  But, keep in touch if that changes."


Now, I haven't written for Women's Health a bunch. I just got my first assignment for them within the last month. This would normally frustrate me: Freelance jobs are hard enough to come by without editors discounting you because you've written for another magazine. But because I've been in prayer about my professional life, I wasn't bothered by this. My reaction was, "Well, God has something for me, and this isn't it." Whatever He has is much more fulfilling than writing for Cosmo. I'm at peace about this--I know something better is coming, because I asked Him for it. As Isaiah said, "I will trust and not be afraid."


Lord, thank you for that certainty. Thank you for drawing me to Yourself for prayer, to hash things like this out before they even present themselves. I will not be tossed about by the winds--counting up professional disappointments. I have You to focus on.


I need to apply this lesson to other aspects of my life. My marriage. My relationship with family members. Please guide me to pray the way I should. It's so much more complicated when another person's in the mix. 


What does Lee need from me? What am I doing wrong? How can I help him? I feel stubborn, obstinate. I don't want to stay up late, past my bedtime, to hang out with him. I want my sleep. I want him to be healthier (less beer, less TV, more spiritual sustenance). But who am I to approach him about things like this? I am selfish--I won't even make time for him in my schedule. 


Lord, please turn my heart towards him. Make me want to make him happy, to yearn for it. I get my sustenance from You. I want to think of myself as Your instrument to nurture him, to help him to be all that he can be in You. I am weak and ineffectual on my own, and so full of sin. But You can pour Your Spirit into me, and change both of us. 


Talking to Sara is hard. She is so discouraged, dejected. I pray that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. Only You can turn her life around. She so wants a husband and children. You know that. She isn't aware of You, and this makes her life so much harder. I don't know what to pray for her, so I'm just praying.


I pray for an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. 


Amen

Outward/Inward

"We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day...So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Am I being renewed inwardly day by day? I'm not feeling that way these last few days. Lord, please fill me with Your Spirit. I don't want to give up, but I'm not feeling anything today--besides distracted. 


I pray for our church visit tomorrow. Our tenth attempt. Do I trust You that You're leading us? No. I feel like we're just bouncing around, trying to settle into places where we don't feel comfortable. In retrospect, will I look back and say, "God had a plan for us all along?" It doesn't feel that way. But I'm putting this forward for You now. I'm going to relax and just keep checking out new churches and not worry about it, because I am CHOOSING to believe that You have somewhere in mind for us.


I pray for Lee's visit this Thursday with the financial counselor. I want to grow closer to Lee through working out our finances. I want our finances to be something that brings us together, us against the world. I don't want to be lazy, to let him do everything. I want to trust him to lead, and to have enough understanding and knowledge that I can participate and help him. 


I pray for the situation with Lily's schooling. Do I send her to kindergarten next year, or do I wait? I'm still torn. Please show me what You want Lily to do. She is Yours. I'm just caring for her right now. What does her Heavenly Father want for her? If I knew that, I would have more peace about the decision. Will you communicate with me about this? I want to wait expectantly for your answer.


I pray for the upcoming trip to Virginia for Thanksgiving. Please guide me in being conscious of Lee's needs. And please, please alleviate the tension that descends over Lee when he's around my extended family. 


I pray for Sara to have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. Amen

Power

As I study God's word, the theme of the week appears to be God's power. For Next Generation Mentoring, we're reading The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian. I found myself highlighting lots of verses in her first chapter, "The Power." I had just written my blog post about dreaming BIG, and this chapter confirmed and validated what I'd expressed. On page 17, she gives the verse I had in the back of my mind when I wrote it. "When you have Jesus as ruler of your life, you will come to know Him as the one 'who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.' (Ephesians 3:20)"

I've long felt confused by what exactly the Holy Spirit is. Omartian helped when she suggested that "you recognize the Holy Spirit of God as the power of God, and that you ask God to empower you to move into all that He has for you."

And then I got to my BSF homework today, and it was all about the power of the Holy Spirit of God. We had to look up nine passages that told about the work of the Holy Spirit. The very first one was from Exodus, and it described how God empowers artists and craftsmen with their abilities. This correlates with what I blogged about yesterday. I want to stop writing from my own power. I want to throw myself to the side and let God write through me. The bible says that God communicates with us, and I want to believe that He's reading my blogs and answering me. Something along the lines of, "Yes, I do that. I will fill you with my Spirit, and let that Spirit write through you. See, here in Exodus I did that for the artistic craftsmen."

So...what next? My mind is still scattered. And I have other responsibilities (my TV post for iVillage) that I need to get to. I will say this: For the time being, I am waiting on the Lord. You have something for me to do. I await seeing You drop it in my lap by September 2011. I expect that You'll make it clear how I should proceed once it does. And I will feel peace about it.


In the meantime: Lee is meeting with the financial counselor on Thursday. He will not allow me to come. So, I am trusting that the counselor alone will see if/where we need to make changes. Lord, I pray that the financial counselor will be intuitive, bright and persuasive. I pray that Lee will be open to his advice. I pray that Lee will come home and tell me he wants me to be more involved, and that he'll make it easier. I pray that Lee will want to go over our finances together. I pray that I will receive Your spirit of wisdom--how to better understand finances and how to emotionally support and love Lee in even this area. Maybe I am not the one to hold him accountable. I would love to not be the one to hold him accountable! But I cannot feel peace while I feel like no one is doing it.


I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. Yes, I am now simply phoning this prayer in. But that's because I'm in waiting mode. I'm waiting to see You. I am expecting it.  

Amen

Glory

I think I do want glory for myself more than I want to glorify God.

Question: Why do I want to write books?
Answer: Well, I am excited by a beautifully told story. I love it when I'm reading something magical, and a sense of awe washes over me. It lifts me up above the usual hum drum. I want to do that, to be the one who wrote it.
Question: But why?
Answer: Partly because I enjoy the process of creating something good. And partly because, like so many others, I want to make a name for myself. Selfishness.

But I am looking at myself through the filter of sin. When God looks at me, He sees promise, possibility. He sees all the good He could do through me--the messages He could convey. He sees the people who will relate to something that I wrote, who will learn something life-changing. He sees the people that He could reach through my work.

I wish that I could get out of my own way! Lord, I don't use You to move forward with my plans. You use me to move forward with Your plans. Please make me surrender my selfish self to You. I'm starting to feel stagnant, like I'm not moving forward. Like I only feel Your presence and Your power when I'm sitting here at the computer. When I get up, it goes away, and I'm on my own. 


People ask me, what are you going to do next, professionally? How will you use your time when the girls are in school full time? I feel a burden, a responsibility to do something worthwhile. But the most worthwhile use of my time is to do what the Lord leads me to do. What does that look like? I want to stop spinning my wheels, and just pray. Lord, I want the thing that You have for me to drop into my lap. I want to be able to recognize it when it does. That is my prayer, I'm officially praying it right now. I will look out for it, expectantly, between now and September 2011.


"Far too often people give up just before their breakthrough into the realm of answered prayer," writes Stormie Omartian in The Power of a Praying Woman. I'm going to keep going until I see something.

I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. Amen

Dreaming BIG

Each morning as I get up and read the BSF scripture, I'm being reminded of what God wants:

"In that day [God's people] will no longer rely on him who struck them down but will truly rely on the Lord, the Holy One." (Isaiah 10:20)

I can do some things myself. But what I can do is so limited. I want to make a huge impact, dream BIG and see it all come together in some grand fashion that's beyond what I imagined. Yesterday I got an email out of the blue from an old friend, a Christian who's now working as an editor at Beliefnet. I got chills. Among the many religions and faith systems that Beliefnet encompasses, it has Christian writers, writing about Christian topics. Was God setting up the early stages of answering my prayer, to show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies Him?

Lord, I know nothing about what You have for me to do. I wait patiently for You to show me. I am chomping at the bit, but I am also gun shy because of my past failures. And because everything is always so hard--that's the way of this world. Even if, by my own strength, I could grab onto an opportunity to write about You, I could still fall flat on my face when it's time to write it. I've committed to helping Lee with our income stream, and that's what I'll continue to do. I'm not going to force my well-meaning ideas into existence. I'm going to wait and let You use me like a chess piece. This is the way it's meant to be: Like a chess piece, I move when You move me.


I thought yesterday about what it would be like to get a phone call from Sara telling me that she's started going to church, or even that she had a life-changing experience that's caused her to start relying on God. If You are there, if I am not praying to my computer but to a real person who is listening, then this is possible. I still wrestle with the idea that I'm being presumptuous in asking for this, like a spoiled brat who dares God to prove His existence. I want to stay humble, to bow before Him and plead for Sara, knowing my right place in relation to Him. I want her to know Him. Lord, I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5.


Amen

Doubt

This morning I'm hit with doubtful thoughts. The same old argument: Why is life so torturous for some, so easy for others? Why the disparity? Why so unfair?  In the OT, when God's people went their own way, they were heading for death and eternal suffering. The only way to avoid this fate was to turn back to Him. So God took extreme measures, killing thousands, to discipline his people and bring them back to Him. (Like in the passage I just read, Isaiah 10:28-34.) The question that flitted through my brain this morning: How did He choose which ones suffered and died for this reason, and which ones got to survive and learn from those other deaths?

It's a broken world, and injustice is part of that brokenness. God didn't create the injustice. I am to focus on my communion with God, which leads me to go out into the world and do everything I can to help those who are suffering. This is God's desire, spoken through Jesus in Scripture. This makes sense: God working through people to right wrongs, to care for those suffering the consequences of the Fall. It's unfair that some get to be the helpers while others have to be the sufferers. But that's part of the Fall, too.  God's not going to take away the suffering, or the injustice of who suffers and who doesn't. Instead, He instructs those who aren't suffering to alleviate the hardships of those who are.

If I'm not suffering, then I have to be a helper. I should not be focusing on the question, "Why is life so torturous for some, so easy for others?" I should be focusing on being a helper.

Lord, show me how to do this. To me, my blogging feels like a waste of time. It gets in the way. I could be volunteering. I could be writing more inspiring words, leading others to You. There are so many people out there who are suffering, truly suffering, and I want to help. I think about fostering a child. Our house is so big, and I am good at mothering. But I can't move forward in any changes in my life, because every day I'm called back to my computer to write a post about TV. 


But am I helping Lee through holding onto this steady income? Yes. My blogging helps Lee, gives him some peace of mind. You've joined me with Lee to be his helper. And the burden of having to make a living gets in everyone's way. I am blessed (and grateful!) that my one-blog-a-day job is all that I have to do. Thank you, Lord. Will you stretch my time? Make it easy to help others?


I pray for Sara, who has now allowed the bad-news-ex-boyfriend to extend his stay at her apartment for a month. Dad, of course, is up in arms. He forgets that he has You to call on for help. But I remember You. I remember that I've asked You to intervene in Sara's life, for Sara to have an experience with Jesus by February 5. 


I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. I pray also for Lee, that You will remind him to follow through on taking care of our finances this week, and that You will comfort him and give him the confidence he needs at work. I pray for Your protection over my precious, precious, precious children, who are Your gift to me. Oh how I love them!


In Your son's name I pray, Amen.