Live well, live wisely.

I'm making my way through James.


Live well, live wisely, live humbly.


What does that look like? I look at what's in front of me. 


There is Lee. I am his helper. What does he need? I think I need to ask.


There are my girls. My preciouses. I would like to steer them more towards God.


There is Sara. Oh, the weight of this, her disappointment in me. My resentment towards her, for blaming me for sins of omission. For not doing something. For wronging her without knowing it. It's the outgrowth of not living purposefully. I just drift, I get things done that are right in front of me. It takes a thoughtful effort, an outward view, to think about my sister who's 3,000 miles away. 


What can I do for her? Live well, live wisely, live humbly. I will book these plane tickets and not look back.


There is my writing. Oh, Lord, this THIS is what's really bothering me! I'm good at this. But I need direction. My essay about getting stuck in Shelby's driveway...Jane Nussbaum really enjoyed it, but it didn't make it up the editing chain at Parents. Debbie Skolnik said it wasn't right for Parenting, but that "your writing is lovely as ever."


Lord, what do I do with this lovely writing? From James, the version in The Message: "Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom." My ambition isn't mean-spirited, but it is about making a name for myself. It's not directed at, focused on, centered around You. "Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life."


A book proposal? Am I spitting into the wind? Today I was thinking, maybe a book proposal. If so, then I could use my "lovely as ever" writing in a way that allows me to "follow my bliss" for You. They are NOT mutually exclusive concepts. You've given me talents and joys for a reason.


Help. How do I do this?


I pray for my time tomorrow at Roswell North Elementary School. I will be tutoring first graders in an after-school program. It's not much, but it's a start. My words are such rubbish. You know what I mean. Help.

This and that

I'm reading James. Trying to glean what I can from it.


What's going on with me these days...I wrote a third essay. (The first, about finding a note with a naughty word in our backyard, is going to be published by Parents. The second, about my birth, is making the rounds at American Baby after Good Housekeeping failed to acknowledge it for three months running.) The third essay is about getting my car stuck at a play date. I sent it to Parents on Thursday, and heard nothing back, no confirmed receipt of the email. So I sent it again yesterday, making sure it was received. Again, no answer. I am trying to kickstart a writing career here, so the lack of acknowledgement is frustrating.


Lord, I'm flailing, as usual. I pray that essays two and three are loved, get published, move me forward. These aren't marching orders for my Divine Creator, because believe me I know that's not how it works. But I want to write this down, get it out there, that it's what's on my mind and wish list. 


I also want to be more in line with Your will, which means of course that I have to figure out what that is. I'd like to start mentoring again. I pray that You would clear the way for me to do that. What child needs me? Please prepare us both.


I pray for protection over my marriage. And over my sweet children.


I pray for Sara, who doesn't call anymore.


I pray for Mom and Dad, that I would strive to be a good daughter to them.


In Your son's name I pray.


Amen