Disconnected

There is a spiritual world that I cannot see. This world has order, and purpose. I long to be part of it, but that requires quiet reflection, and I have the material world to contend with.


Tomorrow is the first day of my Circle of Friends group at church. We are studying Becoming a Woman of Influence. We are asked who we'd like to influence.


I'd like to influence my children. My husband, my sister, my parents. I'd like to influence my children's friends.


What's stopping me? I feel pulled in too many directions. I want to get my work done, make lists and cross things off of them. Meanwhile, the spiritual world is there, and I feel like I can't enter it because of all these things to do first.


Lord, I pray for Lily today, that she will feel comfortable at school, that others will reach out to her and she'll reach out to them. I pray for You to watch over her, guide her. 


I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her, protect her and help her to use her voice. I pray for Lee, that He will continue to seek You out and to do the right thing.


I pray for Dad, that I would be understanding and sensitive to his feelings, and loving, and grateful for all that he's given me.


I pray for Mom, protect her Lord, she is my greatest friend.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

Mercy

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners." Matthew 9:13


What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? To use my time? Jesus cares deeply about this. "I desire mercy," He says. What is it to show someone mercy? To forgive and to nurture.


Lord, this doesn't come naturally to me. I cannot do it without You, but then, You already know that. Your scripture is full of references to the Holy Spirit, which helps. Which overrides my own way of thinking. 


I pray for that today. Override my own way of thinking. You desire mercy, and You show me mercy. 


I'm resisting You. Why? Because getting up early is hard. Because I'm busy. Because I forget what it's like to follow You and have Your guidance. Then I stop believing that You exist, let alone that You offer guidance.


The Bible is teeming with cross references. Matthew 9:13 refers back to Hosea 6:6. The basic themes hold together, and intricately fit together. Let me see that as proof of something supernatural going on.


I pray that You will show me who needs You today, and show me how I can help. Dad? I will give him a call. 


I pray for Lily, who is frustrated and obstinate and full of tears these days. I pray that You would show me how to handle her. She is my sweet girl.


I pray for Isabel, that You would watch over her and protect her today. Keep her safe.


I pray for Lee, that You would be with him at work today, whatever's expected of him.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

mentor

For my Circle of Friends group, we are reading "Becoming a Woman of Influence."

The first question of the first chapter asks the reader to think of one older person who has influenced your life in a positive, spiritually challenging way. Describe what this person did to affect the direction of your life.

I would say Martha, my "Next Generation Mentoring" mentor. I admire the way she handles being a wife and mother. She confided in me that she wouldn't consider her relationship with her husband as a natural friendship. (I had just described my own relationship with Lee that way.) But she gently persevered in her marriage by seeing herself first and foremost as his helper. I've since read about this concept in books, but it was hearing it from her that inspired me.

Lee is my friend, and my husband. And I love him. I want to be his helper, even when I don't feel like it. It's hard, there are times when he hurts my feelings, especially in his dealings with my parents; but I saw how Martha pursued this goal of being her husband's helper in a steadfast way. And I know I'm capable of it, too.

Lord, I pray for Lee. I pray for his self confidence at work, and for him to know that I love him and am determined to be his helper for life. I pray for his safety and health. I pray that You will show me how to be his helper this week. He said last night that he'd like to start juicing again. I can make him juice, that's a start.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen

I'm back. (You're still here.)

Anything I write today is going to sound canned. I have taken the summer off from You. You've stayed right here, I know. Here are things I've done:

Registered at a consignment sale as a "new mom" so I could get into the pre-sale. 

Gossiped.

Worried about my future, my "legacy."

Felt jealous, competitive.

Saw the young-looking women on the book jacket covers of the novels I've read, and felt frustrated, like life is passing me by.

Felt like I'm not living up to my potential.

That last one may be...true? Partly true? Only true if I stay away from You from here on out, but not true if I return to You?

I've been worried about the "life passing me by" thing a lot this week. Next week, I'll start a new bible study at church, reading the book "Becoming a Woman of Influence," by Carol Kent. In the first chapter, she writes about how Jesus interacts with Matthew, the tax collector. "Jesus saw who Matthew could become - one of His biographers! He saw weaknesses that could be turned into strengths. He envisioned a transformed lifestyle. A new passion. A tenacious loyalty." 

Today I pray that you will turn me back in Your direction, and that You will give me peace. I am greedy, always asking for something, and today it's peace I want. But I also truly do want to follow You with a tenacious loyalty.

"Consider the lilies of the field. They sow not, neither do they spin. Yet Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these. If God so clothes the grass of the field, shall he not much more clothe you?"

I'm back.