Spirit of God

I'm reading John Ortberg's book, The Life You've Always Wanted. It was the book that Tim gave us when we became members of the church. Yesterday I was reading about the Spirit of God, how He guides us and speaks to us in our daily lives. Through Scripture, through other people, etc.

Last night I dreamt that I was shaken, upset to my core, talking to Mom. I was shaken by the idea that God did not exist after all. "If God does not exist, then everything comes crashing down!" I cried. "Everything that happens is random." This idea terrified me, left me feeling absolutely vulnerable. Mom just nodded. She couldn't reassure me definitively. No one can.

This morning I went through the books on our bookshelves and found a daily praise book. Today's Scripture:

"Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
(Romans 8:14)

"Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the spirit of God." (1Corinthians 2:11)

As I write this, some very...there's been a very pungent intrusion. Isabel discovered Hunter's diarrhea on the floor of her room. It's hard to meditate on the word of God when kids and smells and having to wake Lee is all rushing in.

The daily praise book says, "Allow God to lead you by his Spirit and reveal his thoughts to you."

Lord, help.