Easter

Easter weekend was difficult. Lee's mom is a Christian with all the trappings--the right words, the right Scripture passages memorized and at the ready. But she is not gentle, kind, patient, understanding. She is like a bulldozer, trampling anyone who gets in her way.

My sweet Lily wasn't on her best behavior. Her precious pout was on display a lot. Lee's mom didn't have the patience for her. Isabel, though sweet, wasn't able to keep herself from sticking her finger in the jello, the cake, and whatever else appealed to her. Lee's mom sighed angrily and rolled her eyes.

If this woman's behavior is the result of following God, I don't want any part of it. But of course, there were other Christians there, better ones, with gentler demeanors. Lee's sisters, his brothers-in-law. It's these who make me cry when I think about them. Goodness makes me cry for some reason. Lee's mom just makes me angry.

The worst part is that when I condemn her and judge her, I'm immediately reminded of my own failings. It makes me feel hopeless. I want to run to the Bible, but its words are the words that she uses. She poisons them.

We discussed the Rob Bell book. You can imagine her take on it. She draws a line in the sand (she would say Scripture draws the line), and no one can cross it. She's safe, heaven-bound. People not like her, well. My sister? Well. She's praying for her. My sinful, mean-spirited heart says, "No she's not."

Like I said, hopeless.

Lord, I'm self-centered. I have too much pride in my own wonderfulness. I look down on her, and I strongly dislike her, like I have a right to look down on anyone. I'm sorry for the way I acted. I should have kept my mouth shut. 


I want to return to You and Your words without thinking about how she uses them. I have so much anger. Please help me to let it go, to respect my elders (in my heart as well as in action). Gentleness is the way. So hard to be that way unless I read Your words. 


I believe that love wins. Your love wins. Once I've had a chance to let these emotions cool, I will move forward in Your love. 


I pray for Lee, for my family, for Sara. I pray for Your presence.


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen