Rest

Lord,
As you know, I'm struggling lately with believing. I've put deadlines on prayers, which I thought you'd prompted me to do, and...nothing. I've had several prayers answered this year, of course. But nothing that definitively told me that YES you exist. I'm still typing into a chasm. And now that my schedule isn't accommodating You (driving both kids to school has taken away my A.M. quiet time), I just continue to drift.

I talked to Sara last night, and hearing the horror stories and the desperation in her voice, I want somewhere to turn. I know that I can turn to You, even when I'm not sure that You exist. It sure would be more comforting if I was convinced that You exist, but there it is. What I have is: 1) Many people believe. 2) The Bible is real, the actual pages and words and work put into it, and generations of millions have followed it. Tens of thousands have studied it since it was written, and it has not been debunked. It may not be proven to be true, but it hasn't been proven to be fiction, either. Those who consider it irrelevent don't have another suggestion or explanation for why we're here. 3) I myself have derived comfort from You.

Talking to Sara was very upsetting. I think I'll just present the circumstances to You. Leave them with You, who is all good, all loving, all healing.

There's the guy who showed up for the match.com date and sighed, obviously disappointed that Sara was not as pretty as her profile picture.

There's the guy who casually told her that he had another match.com date this week, and then sent a text to his friend that said, "No, I wish. Another girl, Sara."

There's the skinny, bald 40-year-old who lives in a garage crawling with ants and no light, and who is the only man who's expressed interest.


Lord, You are there. You are there? I'm going to go with the fact that You are there. You see these situations that Sara slogs through. You see how helpless she feels, how desperate.

I would like to give these situations to You. You take them and dispose of them, and fill her up with light and love instead. Take them away and replace them with light, and love, and hope. This sounds like I am ordering You around, the creator of the universe. How much easier it is to do that when I only half believe!

No, I am going to CHOOSE to believe. You say, Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Sara needs your rest!

In Your son's name I pray.
Amen