Back from the cruise

Today, through the BSF lesson, God drew my attention to Cyrus the Great of Persia, who conquered Babylon in 539 and ruled it until his death. Cyrus didn't acknowledge God, but God used him to carry out His plans. Why? "So that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting, men may know there is none besides me." (Isaiah 45:6) How did Cyrus' conquests prove that there is none besides God? I don't know, but I think it's the fact that Cyrus' conquests were a fulfillment of God's prophecy--which confirms the truth and reliability of the Bible. God said it would happen, and it did.

I just got back from my cruise with Sara. I'd been praying daily for her to have an experience with Jesus by February 5. As far as I can tell, it didn't happen. Lord, I wanted a sign that You are really there, hearing my prayers. I felt led to pray this prayer, to put a deadline on it. Did I ever really believe it would happen? In some fleeting moments, I did. But not really. I can't say I'm truly disappointed, because my rational brain never really believed it anyway.


So where does that leave us? Last night I was thinking, "Does this mean my prayer about getting an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011 is also just a figment of my imagination? That You weren't leading me to pray for that, either, and that all of my thoughts are just that--my own, trumped up thoughts?


Yesterday we sang the praise song, "Indescribable," and in the song, You are described as untameable. I can pray all I want, put deadlines on prayers, but You will carry on as You see fit. A few lines down in the Isaiah passage, it says, "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker...Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?'" And later in Isaiah 45: "This is what the Lord says, concerning things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens."


Sara is Your child. Do I question You about her, about Your plan for her? I ache for her, Father. I want her to meet a husband, to have a family. On the cruise, I looked back one morning and saw her sitting alone at the breakfast table, and my longing (on her behalf) nearly overwhelmed me. But do I question You, who stretched out the heavens, about her, Your child? 


I am Your child. I pray, but You remain invisible and unmoving--seemingly a figment of my imagination. I still want You to show me You are there. I still want to wait for You to show me. Where else can I turn? 


I am selfish. Even as I wait for You, I think only about my own happiness. Did I really want Sara to have an experience with You, or did I want You to prove that my faith in You wasn't misplaced? This was about me as much as it was about her. 


So here we are. I can lose faith, or I can keep grasping at it. If You are truly there, it doesn't matter much what I think, anyway. As Andy Stanley says, there's a path, whether or not you realize you're on it. 


I pray for Your will to be done in Sara's life. As I pray that prayer,  I'm assuming that Your will includes her salvation. You are untameable, but I can hold You to Your promises. Is there a place in the Bible where You promise to save my sister? Based on Your character, described repeatedly throughout Scripture, You are chasing after her, jealous for her heart. You created her, and You long for her.


I pray for an opportunity to write a book about You by September 2011. What would You have me write? How should I go about it? Make me be still, and then please tell me. Purify my motives, and then please show me what You want me to do.


Thank you for protecting my precious family. 


In Your son's name I pray.
Amen