God's wants, my wants

According to the BSF notes, "The blessings of the Messianic Age will affect the eyes, ears and tongues of all. Spiritual perception will once again be restored...the ability to hear and obey God's word faithfully."

That's opposed to the state I described yesterday--which is the feeling that I need a secret decoder ring to figure out what God's will is. But here is what I know He wants:

He wants me to share my money, not store it up.
He wants me to be a helper to my husband, to look for ways to make him happy and to carry them out.
He wants me to teach my children about Him, and to teach them to have a spirit of obedience--that they might obey Him better.
He wants me to care for my family members, and to pray for them.

Here's what I want:
The power to follow these commands.
The desire to follow these commands.
Fulfillment from my roles as wife and mother.
Fulfillment as a writer.
Financial and health security.

Lord, I am fading. My attention span is drifting. Focus me on You. 


I pray for Mom and Dad as they go through the process with buying the house, and I pray for my relationship with Lee as this move unfolds. I lean on You. Was I wrong to encourage them to move here? This is complicated--I love them. My motives were good. I am also committed to Lee. I am beginning to panic. What have I done? 


You are the Blessed Controller. Whether I messed up or not doesn't matter now--we all move forward, and I pray for Your hand in this situation. One day at a time. I am so grateful and thankful to have my family nearby again. You opened the way for that to happen. I can't see the situation from Your viewpoint, but I can put one foot in front of the other with my eyes on You, moving forward.


I pray for the right words when I talk to Dad about boundaries, and I pray that You'll open his heart to hear what I'm saying. I pray that You will give Dad his own life here in Roswell, a new chapter with new friends and experiences. 


I pray for Sara, that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. You know I've stopped believing that this will happen. But I'm not going to indulge my doubts. Instead, I'm going to say, You exist. I'm not typing into the ether. And since You exist, then only good things can come out of my prayer for Sara. You heard and continue to hear my prayer, and this is a prayer that You yourself love to hear. It's your good pleasure to grant my wish for her.


I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.


In your son's name I pray.
Amen