My alarm went off this morning, and I got Isabel out the door. But Lily had wet the bed (my bed, of course), and I had to change her. Then she needed me to lie down with her in order to fall back to sleep. It took over a half hour. So there went my time with God. I spent it with Lily, waiting for her sweet, little body to go limp again, for her breathing to slow down.
Now it's nearly 8 a.m. I have 15 minutes. Ugh.
Yesterday, I continued my church shopping. Visited church number nine. Lee stayed home with the girls. At this point, visiting churches has become such a chore, such an exercise in frustration, that I didn't mind letting him sleep in. Just go myself, I figured. Get it over with.
God is patient with me. He lets me arrive as I am, which means I don't pretend to feel anything. I am hopeful, of course, that this church will be the one. I try to see myself there, to see my family there. For the first 45 minutes, I try to see beyond the elements I don't like about church number nine. I accentuate the positive. I wait for God to speak to me.
I end up leaving early.
I've run out of new churches to try, so we'll begin doubling back now, giving some of the nine a second chance and a third chance, until we find a place where we feel comfortable. It's a process. I tell myself that this is how it works, how I work. I have to experience everything that's out there before I make my decision. Know my options. Now that I know them, my expectations are tempered. I am that much closer to finding a place to worship God.
It may not be a place where Lee can use his substantial musical gifts. Among the churches we've seen, it probably won't be such a place. But God is so much bigger than us. If He has a need for music somewhere, at some time, He'll lead Lee.
Lord, I know that You are either leading us to the church You've already chosen for us, or You'll meet us at whatever church we choose. Either way, You are there.
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