I am spiritually weak, and I'm a worry wort. A terrible combination! It means I fret about everything, and manage to pray about only a fraction of it! 

The BSF homework sent me to 1 John 4:10 today. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us. This comforts me enormously, and so does the biblical story of Esther. There's a beautiful passage about her in A Place of Quiet Rest on pages 244-5. "Totally apart from any initiative or effort on her part, God sovereignly arranged for Esther to be placed in a position of great influence at a crucial moment in Israel's history. Esther couldn't see the script God had written in heaven and was carrying out on earth."

This is what I cling to--that there is a script. I want to believe there's a script/plan/overall agenda. Scripture says God is involved in our lives. Ten, 15 years into being a Christian, I still struggle with believing this. So...I am choosing to believe it. Every day I am reminding myself to believe it. Esther had to get talked into it. I am not so different from her.

On page 243, DeMoss offers a sort of template for prayer. I will try to use it.

Guard my heart. Guard my motives, my attitudes, my values. Lord, please guard what I value. Please show me to want what I need, and not to want what I don't need. Show me what's important. Again, by listening to NPR today, You're teaching me. A family discussed their lifestyle, now that they've chosen to live on just $50K a year. Their 1999 car, which is only worth $4000, needs $2500 in repairs. They considered buying a new one, but that would mean higher car payments. So they will repair their car, paying it off month by month. This is the sort of complicated decision that throws me for a loop. I would have chosen differently. Won't they regret sticking with an old car that will eventually need more repairs? Finances are complicated. I need Your help. I think of the new patio dining set we just bought. At half price, it cost us $750. Still too much? Lee thinks it was a great deal. I'm not so sure. Do we need a high-quality set from Thomasville? Should I have talked Lee down? At what point do I simply support my husband, and when do I go along with him? I need Your help, Lord. When the next financial decision comes up, what then? Please help.