Trust

One of the BSF homework questions today is: "In what area has your lack of trust in God devastated your life?" I think of times I've spent worrying, or out of sorts because I didn't see a way forward. Times I've lost sleep over problems that eventually receded. Before I met Lee, I had dark moments of real concern that I wouldn't meet a Christian man. I had put this issue in God's hands many, many times, but I still can't say I really, truly believed there was a supernatural force working to orchestrate my love life!

Is there anything I've put in God's hands, that I continue to fret over? Sara. Lord, I pray expectantly that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. 


Another concern is whether to send Lily on to kindergarten in September despite her July birthday, or whether to hold her back. I'd rather she be the oldest in the class, not the youngest--especially given how shy she is. But she does make the cut-off by six weeks. I give that decision to You, Lord. I pray that You will make the decision clear to me.


The more I ask for things, the more sinful I feel. I think, "I should be praising, I should be thanking!" Why do I go straight to asking? But this feeling is probably showing me that I need to ask for forgiveness first and foremost. Lord, please forgive me for my selfishness. I order my days around myself. I do everything to make myself comfortable and to mitigate any discomfort. I even see prayer as a way to make myself more comfortable. 


But I also have a deep inner yearning to be the person You created me to be. I don't want to turn from this computer and go off into the day, forgetting You. I want to be caught up in Your life and Your agenda, so that behaving like a decent human being is the easiest, most natural thing in the world. 


Please show me that You're with me today, as I clean and shop and pick up Lily. As I volunteer at Isabel's school. As I take her to the eye doctor. As I welcome Jon and Dottie and Kate and Maggie into our home. Show me how to care for others today. 


Also, I said I was going to pray for this every day, so here goes: I pray that I will get an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September of 2011.




Amen