Fill me with Your Love.

Last night I went to bed with the children, at 9 p.m. I was guilty about it, because it meant that I was ditching Lee--as I've done all week. I am struggling with these early mornings with the Lord. In order for me to be able to be up at 6:30 a.m., I must be in bed by 9:30 p.m. This isn't hard for me--I prefer an early bed time. But Lee feels I'm deserting him.

Lee's been dealing with insomnia since he was a little boy. For the last few years, he's been taking the sleep aid, Ambien, which helps. But this week, he's been taking a different medication, to regulate his uric acid levels. If this medication works, he will avoid the extremely painful bouts of gouty arthritis that come on unexpectedly, and that cripple him for days. I pray that it works! Unfortunately, though, the medication counteracts the sleep aid. All week, he's been up until 3 a.m., and frustrated about it.

Last night, I knew that I should force myself to stay up with him, but I let my exhaustion overtake me. I woke up at around 1:30 a.m., and briefly considered joining him downstairs on the couch. But I didn't go--I just wanted to go back to sleep. I could hear him downstairs, cooking and watching TV and drinking wine, which he thinks will help him sleep.

A half hour later, Lee literally stumbled to bed, dazed by the wine. We talked for a few minutes, and then he was snoring loudly, passed out.

This is not how I want my marriage to be. Of course, I want him to change--to transform into a morning person who isn't plagued by these insomnia issues, and who doesn't need to drink to fall asleep. The second prayer request on DeMoss' "prayer template" (on page 245) is: Fill me with Your love.


Lord, fill me with Your love. Help me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Make me compassionate and sensitive to Lee's needs. Help me to give of myself to meet his needs, without expecting anything in return. I can't do this of my own strength, but I can do it with Your strength. I will submit myself to You. Help me to submit myself to You. Amen.