"If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else."
I stayed up an extra 45 minutes last night and watched the World Series with Lee. It was nice. We are friends, he and I, well suited for one another. His spirit was gentle; he didn't contradict everything I said. I felt a natural ease with him. This is how it used to be between us.
I am uncertain of my role as a wife. I am to support him, love and care for him, yes. But I am the only person he shows his true face to. He is so surly with me. When I call him on it, I am deluged with all his vague inklings of ways I've failed to support him. I've deeply disappointed him in my failure to support him, but I truly feel that this is an unfair assessment. He is the one acting surly. For goodness' sake, at least I'm cordial.
Is it up to me to "restore him gently" when he takes his eyes off of God? Who else will do it? I like the Galatians passage, because after that advice, it immediately jumps to "test your own actions." This is my natural thinking. I am so keenly aware of my own sinfulness (and I know he is, too) that I don't feel I've earned the right to hold Lee accountable for his.
I think the key here is "carry each other's burdens." That is the phrase I need to concentrate on. Lord, show me how to help Lee to carry his burdens. Show me ways to do it, and make me want to do it. Through Your power, I can stop being selfish, and start loving him better.
I want to change my whole life. The way I'm living now: I spend hours at my computer, working to earn money to pay for things like cable TV. While I am working, the children watch the TV. I wish I could use this time to teach them, play with them, and expand their horizons. But I am working so that we can have TV so that they can watch TV while I work. Crazy. Sad and crazy.
If I didn't work, then we wouldn't be able to pay for the TV. I would spend time with the kids instead. Is it that simple? No. If I wasn't working, I would have to spend a lot of time figuring out how to buy groceries and clothes, etc. with our limited resources. I would miss writing, probably. And Lee would be very resistant to anything of this sort.
Lord, I am rushed today. I pour all these concerns out before You. And yet I don't have time to sit quietly and meditate on what You have to say about it. (The most important part of prayer!!!) I pray that You will communicate with me anyway, somehow, this day and this weekend.
I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. Lee and I were talking last night about the fact that there are lots of Christians in Southern California. She is surrounded by Christians.
I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies you by September 2011. You can change my life. I am waiting expectantly for You to do it.
Amen
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