Today's BSF passage is Isaiah 10:5-15. The king of Assyria lays siege to several nations, including Israel. "By the strength of my hand I have done this," he says. "And by my wisdom, because I have understanding, I removed the boundaries of nations...Like a mighty one, I subdued their kings."
We get to see what is really happening. Ironically, the truth is that the king of Assyria is nothing more than a tool in God's hands. The Lord is using him to discipline His people. The king thinks of himself as "a mighty one," when in actuality he's God's whipping boy. He can't see that, of course, because God is silent and invisible. He also can't see his future: "When the Lord has finished all his work against Mount Zion and Jerusalem, he will say 'I will punish the king of Assyria for the willful pride of his heart and the haughty look in his eyes.'"
This reminds me of Proverbs 3:5. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
Lord, this is what I'm learning. I have been neglecting Lee, and Lee has been neglecting me. This has been an easy pattern for us to fall into. We were both single for so long. I'm more than happy to let him neglect me, because it allows me to focus on myself, which is when I'm most comfortable.
We had a very hard talk about finances. He got his back up. He doesn't want me to go with him to see a financial consultant, because he thinks the financial consultant will take my side. He doesn't specify what issue he means, but we both know it has to do with saving for the future and restricting current spending.
He keeps spending. UPS and Fedex trucks stop outside the house and deliver a new mouse for the computer, or some software, or whatever. (His side: He wants so much more than what he actually allows himself.) Meanwhile, I try to limit my spending to groceries and things for the kids. I get their clothes through consignment. I give the bare minimum to the PTA. Meanwhile, I want, I want, I want. I want to hire a house cleaning service occasionally. But I mostly want to feel secure. I want an emergency fund and a college savings plan and retirement money. I want to scale back on my iVillage writing. (Lee said no.) I want to write something that glorifies God, to stop writing about stupid TV. Of course, I also want to glorify selfish me. I want, I want, I want.
I know that Lee is right: The financial guy would probably side with me. Our last financial guy sided with me on issues of saving and spending. Lee won't go to see this new one if I am there. He doesn't want to be ganged up on. So I agreed to let him go alone. I agreed to give him the power. I said, "I will let you be in charge of creating the budget--I won't even come to meet the finances guy--as long as I know you will run your ideas by someone who does this for a living."
Am I being stupid? Am I being lazy? Am I being too trusting? Or am I being a good wife to Lee by allowing him to do this, allowing him to be the head of the household? This is what I'm wrestling with.
The idea that the Lord put before me this morning was to "lean not on my own understanding." He is silent and invisible, but He is in this with me. What does that mean? Am I "leaning not on my own understanding" by allowing Lee to take over the budget? Or am I using this as an excuse to withdraw?
Lord, I'm putting these questions to You. You alone are sovereign, perfectly wise and compassionate. I'm just a grab bag of sin, and so is Lee. What next? I will take this one step at a time. Pass the financial guy's contact info to Lee, gently encourage him to call and set something up. See what happens. Will you show me how to trust in You in this?
I pray that Sara will have an experience with Jesus by February 5, and I pray that you will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011.
Amen
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