Doubt

This morning I'm hit with doubtful thoughts. The same old argument: Why is life so torturous for some, so easy for others? Why the disparity? Why so unfair?  In the OT, when God's people went their own way, they were heading for death and eternal suffering. The only way to avoid this fate was to turn back to Him. So God took extreme measures, killing thousands, to discipline his people and bring them back to Him. (Like in the passage I just read, Isaiah 10:28-34.) The question that flitted through my brain this morning: How did He choose which ones suffered and died for this reason, and which ones got to survive and learn from those other deaths?

It's a broken world, and injustice is part of that brokenness. God didn't create the injustice. I am to focus on my communion with God, which leads me to go out into the world and do everything I can to help those who are suffering. This is God's desire, spoken through Jesus in Scripture. This makes sense: God working through people to right wrongs, to care for those suffering the consequences of the Fall. It's unfair that some get to be the helpers while others have to be the sufferers. But that's part of the Fall, too.  God's not going to take away the suffering, or the injustice of who suffers and who doesn't. Instead, He instructs those who aren't suffering to alleviate the hardships of those who are.

If I'm not suffering, then I have to be a helper. I should not be focusing on the question, "Why is life so torturous for some, so easy for others?" I should be focusing on being a helper.

Lord, show me how to do this. To me, my blogging feels like a waste of time. It gets in the way. I could be volunteering. I could be writing more inspiring words, leading others to You. There are so many people out there who are suffering, truly suffering, and I want to help. I think about fostering a child. Our house is so big, and I am good at mothering. But I can't move forward in any changes in my life, because every day I'm called back to my computer to write a post about TV. 


But am I helping Lee through holding onto this steady income? Yes. My blogging helps Lee, gives him some peace of mind. You've joined me with Lee to be his helper. And the burden of having to make a living gets in everyone's way. I am blessed (and grateful!) that my one-blog-a-day job is all that I have to do. Thank you, Lord. Will you stretch my time? Make it easy to help others?


I pray for Sara, who has now allowed the bad-news-ex-boyfriend to extend his stay at her apartment for a month. Dad, of course, is up in arms. He forgets that he has You to call on for help. But I remember You. I remember that I've asked You to intervene in Sara's life, for Sara to have an experience with Jesus by February 5. 


I pray that You will show me an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. I pray also for Lee, that You will remind him to follow through on taking care of our finances this week, and that You will comfort him and give him the confidence he needs at work. I pray for Your protection over my precious, precious, precious children, who are Your gift to me. Oh how I love them!


In Your son's name I pray, Amen.