Changing My Thinking

"Surely God is my salvation," writes Isaiah in Chapter 12. "I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song."

An old editor acquaintance from Cosmo emailed to inquire who I was writing for these days, and whether I'd like an assignment. I replied yes and waited to hear back. Yesterday I got an email from her: "Jen, thanks so much for getting back to me.  We’ll keep you in mind, but unfortunately since you’re writing for Women’s Health a bunch (which is great and makes sense since the editors over there are the reason we used you at Cosmo!), it’s not likely we could use you since they’re a competitor.  But, keep in touch if that changes."


Now, I haven't written for Women's Health a bunch. I just got my first assignment for them within the last month. This would normally frustrate me: Freelance jobs are hard enough to come by without editors discounting you because you've written for another magazine. But because I've been in prayer about my professional life, I wasn't bothered by this. My reaction was, "Well, God has something for me, and this isn't it." Whatever He has is much more fulfilling than writing for Cosmo. I'm at peace about this--I know something better is coming, because I asked Him for it. As Isaiah said, "I will trust and not be afraid."


Lord, thank you for that certainty. Thank you for drawing me to Yourself for prayer, to hash things like this out before they even present themselves. I will not be tossed about by the winds--counting up professional disappointments. I have You to focus on.


I need to apply this lesson to other aspects of my life. My marriage. My relationship with family members. Please guide me to pray the way I should. It's so much more complicated when another person's in the mix. 


What does Lee need from me? What am I doing wrong? How can I help him? I feel stubborn, obstinate. I don't want to stay up late, past my bedtime, to hang out with him. I want my sleep. I want him to be healthier (less beer, less TV, more spiritual sustenance). But who am I to approach him about things like this? I am selfish--I won't even make time for him in my schedule. 


Lord, please turn my heart towards him. Make me want to make him happy, to yearn for it. I get my sustenance from You. I want to think of myself as Your instrument to nurture him, to help him to be all that he can be in You. I am weak and ineffectual on my own, and so full of sin. But You can pour Your Spirit into me, and change both of us. 


Talking to Sara is hard. She is so discouraged, dejected. I pray that she will have an experience with Jesus by February 5. Only You can turn her life around. She so wants a husband and children. You know that. She isn't aware of You, and this makes her life so much harder. I don't know what to pray for her, so I'm just praying.


I pray for an opportunity to write a book that glorifies You by September 2011. 


Amen